Where's the Bees!?!

If you have been paying attention to the news over the last week you may have heard about the current honeybee crisis. It seems bees are disappearing at an alarming rate and no one knows why. There are many theories out there as to the cause and potential solutions to this problem, if you do not yet know what the hell I am talking about you can learn more here,
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18442426/ and here, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18442426/

As the diligent news hounds that we are over here at Lw/oA we have looked deep into this mystery and come up with what may be the truth behind this potential disaster. The disturbing truth is that the bees are not just dieing off as scientists have assumed, no the bees are being kidnapped and held against their will. Who would have he audacity and skill to pull of such a dangerous coup and why you may ask? The culprits in this dastardly scheme: NINJAS! Thats right, secret ninja societies are taking our bees. Why?



Well the reason involves a conflict that dates back centuries and continues to this day. The great Ninja-Pirate Wars are behind the whole thing. Ninjas and Pirates have been fighting for supremacy for centuries and the battles have heated up in recent times. Stealth and hand-to-hand combat skills have given the Ninjas an advantage for some time. In a comparison of the two it is clear why the nija was doing so well:

















PIRATES ------------------------NINJAS

Ruthless and brutal	Lack any personality
Wear eye patches	Wear headbands
Fight with swords	Fight skillfully with any object
Represented by a skull and bones	Can remove a spleen in one swift motion
Obnoxious and stink horribly	Live in your house secretly for days
Have large shadows from being fat	Can remove their shadow if needed
Launch cannonballs	Hurl shurikens
Ride in big wooden boats	Go anywhere they want instantly
Put daggers in their teeth	Catch bullets in their teeth
Say "Arrrrrrrrrrgghh"	Kill themselves if they make a noise
Have names like Schmee	Have cool words like Sepulku
Can be smelled before seen	Are masters of disguise
Drink all day long	Flip out and kill everything
Make traitors walk a wooden plank	Split planks vertically with their nose
Kill people with black powder guns	Kill people.

But the Pirates technological advances have countered this and they have felled many a ninja in battle. So the Ninjas have developed a new strategy to destroying the retched Pirate - NINJA BEES!


By capturing bees and training them to be ninjas the Ninja will have a great, unstoppable army at their disposal. After the failure of the ninja turtle experiment (never trust teenagers, even if they are turtles) the bees are the last great hope of the ninja. So as we worry about the loss of our precious honey bee we should be more concerned about the impending destruction that will be caused by the great final battle of the Ninja and the Pirate.






As hoards of bees descend upon the land to snuff out the stink ridden pirates of the world take cover and pray that Chuck Norris arrives to help you and hope that the battle does not commence on National Talk Like a Pirate Day for then we are all doomed.