Some say that most of the latest injuries are due to the stress of recent economic conditions. Others believe that maybe we’ve just pushed the physical gymnastics taken to achieve architectural inspiration one step too far. This argument is buoyed by the reports last week that Frank Ghery, in the act of crumbling taped together pieces of newspaper in the design for the new Anchorage Daily News Building, developed Mallet Finger. “It was the size of the paper”, Ghery noted. “I’ve done this millions of times with notebook sheets, 11x17, and even newspaper but to achieve the right look for such a prestigious paper, I needed something bigger. I went too far”. Three fingers were rendered helpless by the act.
The diagnosis is still undetermined in another crippling injury; one that could not have come at a worse time. While arguing his point about how the State Hermitage Museum absolutely must hire him for the project because they deserved one of his great buildings, Daniel Leibeskind suffered a series of tongue spasms. ”At the moment he was explaining how a free irrotational vortex geometry creates a series of asymmetric, yet computable and predictable arcs, and mimic the classical corinthian detailing and thus relate to the existing building yet point towards a less predictable and more sophisticated future, he was rendered speechless“ his assistant Hans Hanneman explained. Leibeskind’s staff was in tears as they each relayed their account of the harrowing experience.
Finally, no injury is more shocking than the intense photosensitivity that has plagued not only head architect, Richard Meier but most of his staff. ”I will not relent, they must be white so if I have to work only at night, so be it. If I have to resort to a pinhole projector to view my creations, I will“, said Meier wearing a fashionable pair of custom-made Hilfiger sunglasses. The affliction took place while Meier and his staff were enjoying a cocktail party Meier held at newly completed private residence at an undisclosed location in Florida. ”I brought them there to congratulate everyone for a job well done“, exclaimed a visibly upset Meier. ”It was just too sunny that day.“ Two catering workers were also injured.
The complete list of this years injuries are as follows:
Out
Frank Ghery, mallet finger
Daniel Leibeskind, tongue spasms
Doubtful
Rem Koolhas, constant state of jet lag
Renzio Piano, acute art-phobia
Questionable
Richard Meier, photosensitivity
Santiago Calatrava, vertigo
Let’s take a moment to look at Aqua and see if maybe Blair and Stan the Man are correct and it is the pearl in the sea of crap that is residential development in Chicago. We have seen the models, looked at the website, checked out the unit plans, and done the things we assume any good architecture critic would do and come to one easy conclusion: the balconies are cool. They are balconies, right? It's hard to tell because they have yet to be depicted as such, with mandatory guardrails and the corresponding grills and crap that people pile on them. Anyway, the shape of the "balcony" is interesting and makes for a very nice looking façade. No one is arguing against that. Then again, as one noted observer points out: if it were not for the building’s name and all of those flashy effects on the website one might think that this building has nothing to do with water and instead that, like an old tree, a family of fungus is growing from it. Perhaps this dual imagery is its strength, a sign of genius? But we digress.
The rest of the building is the problem. What’s that? You did not realize there was a building behind those balconies? Of course not, because not a word has been written about the actual space inside the building or the earth shattering new concept in residential living you will be purchasing when you buy your aqua unit. Why is this? Well, if you wanted to sleep with the hot girl you would focus on complimenting and ignore the criticism also. Is a building wonderful just because you convinced the builder to bend a little steel to make the concrete formwork curved instead of straight? We bet this works for most people. Even we know absolutely nothing about what Jessica Biel is thinking. We just know she makes us stop breathing with her captivating beauty. It’s a start, but perhaps there could be more. There must be something about modern condos that would be better if we rethought them a little.
So that may be our problem: we at LWoA expect a little more form our critics. Aqua is nice, but it is nothing special beyond the façade. Maybe that is our problem, sadly way back when we learned to be architects someone told us that buildings are not just objects to be looked at from across the street, but spaces to be inhabited and experienced. Maybe we are wrong and we should just enjoy the cool form we will get to see, especially since no one at the LWoA staff can afford to live there and have their own wavy balcony. But no, we expect more, just as we will not sit back and simply enjoy Jessica Biel in all her hotness, but rather debate her ability as an actress. We want it all and can not simply over look the flaws in buildings or hot women (although it is a lot easier with the women). 
The classic case is my current office (which I must honestly say is better than most). We hold these reviews (that are often joked about on this site). They begin around February and drag on until the week before Christmas. It is classic. By the time most folks are being reviewed, a year has passed since they have filled out their self-review. How the hell are we supposed to remember what we wrote about and did over a year ago??? This also sucks for the folks that don't "make it" for a year, which brings me to the next point in the article.
This article seems all wrong. Unless it is trying to pander to the lowest common denominator scum-bag architects, perhaps problems in our profession can't be solved by creating legal protection for architectural firm owners but instead could be addressed if architects had better training with how to run a business. If you do not have a sustainable office, then maybe you shouldn't be in business in the first place. Or if we we want to be completely truthful, then perhaps suck it up and admit you are hiring your employees as "temporary" and label them as such from the beginning. It is almost as offensive but at least you aren't hiding your scummyness behind legalese. Then again, this might not get you many takers when you start handing out the "temporary" job offers.
At first glance, you might think that this is genius – a sure winner at any box office. Hey, if Heath and Jake can draw crowds doin' the nasty, then why can't two chicks? They may be right. Not since Neve Campbell and Denise Richards showed off their tremendous acting abilities in Wild Things (and the subsequent releases of Wild Things 2 and Wild Things 3) have we been so anxious about a film release.
I'll end with a story. Once I was working on a prospective project in Palm Springs, CA. I walked into their immaculate and empty building department. A lovely woman stood with a smile and said to me, "Welcome to Palm Springs Building Department. How can I help you get a permit today?" Bless her. RIP Sonny Bono.
"Earthquake in New York" is on tonight. I don't know about you guys but this architect is making a shit-load of popcorn and parking himself in front of the tube!
