Top Ten Reasons Why a Lesbian Sex Scene Between Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson Might Be a Bad Idea

In case you've been living under a rock or haven't been keeping track of erotic lesbian scenes between major film stars, we're here for you. In his upcoming film, Woody Allen will feature Penelope Cruz andScarlett Johansson in what he considers to be the "biggest erotic scene in movie history". This kind of film news just doen't get by the folks at LWoA.At first glance, you might think that this is genius – a sure winner at any box office. Hey, if Heath and Jake can draw crowds doin' the nasty, then why can't two chicks? They may be right. Not since Neve Campbell and Denise Richards showed off their tremendous acting abilities in Wild Things (and the subsequent releases of Wild Things 2 and Wild Things 3) have we been so anxious about a film release.

Then again, is this too much of a good thing. The minute someone says "best" or "biggest", our synical side kicks in. After much careful consideration, we are starting to see some down sides to this idea. Here are 10 of them:

10. This is becoming "old hat" for Cruz. Between her music video stint and Head in the Clouds, shouldn't Cruz just give up her current career and go right into into lesbian porno.

9. Do you honestly think they will get through the scene without whining or cracking a self-depricating joke?

8. Can you truly enjoy watching a lesbian sex scene including someone that slept with Tom Cruise?

7. We heard the scene will be in a photographic dark room, surely concealing all the "good stuff". A pool or sauna with lots of daylight is always best.

6. You have to sit through a Woody Allen film to watch the scene.

5. They do another lesbian trist in the film with a guy in the scene. Why did he have to go and ruin it?

4. The scene is most likely too short.

3. People might call Woody Allen a pervert and will no longer take his films seriously.

2. Jessica Biel was not chosen for the Penelope Cruz role.

1. Actually, the casting is all wrong: with Jessica Biel in the Penelope Cruz role, cast Jessica Alba in the Scarlett Johansson role - or is that an entirely new film?

A New List

So here it is. After long hours of debating, we have come up with a system to revise the Maxim list. Each of us was given the top ten women and were allowed to subtract as many women and re-arrange them in whatever order we wanted. We then add a new woman to the list to create a new top ten. Since some of us at LWoA know nothing about following directions, a few of the lists break that mold. In that event, any women beyond 1 that was added is deleted in the final tally. An asterisk follows that woman's name. Note that some of us had a hard time making a top ten out of their top ten.

Architect #1:
1. Jessica Alba
2. Adrianna Linn
3. Kristen Kreuk
4. Jessica Biel
5. Lucy Liu*
6. Scarlett Johansson
7. Eva Langoria
8. Christina Aguillera
9. Ali Larter
10. Eva Mendes

Architect #2
1. Adriana Lima
2. Jessica Alba
3. Jessica Simpson
4. Jessica Biel
5. Scarlett Johansson
6. Christina Aguillera
7. Alissa milano*
8. Angelina Jolie*
9. Eva Langoria
10. Cindy Crawford*

Architect #3
1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Jessica Biel
3. Ali Larter
4. Sarah Carter
5. Scarlett Chervat*

Architect #4
1. Jessica Biel
2. Sarah Lancaster
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Eva Mendes

Architect #5
1. Natalie Portman
2. Jessica Beil
3. Scarlet Johansen
4. Chick from Rome*
5. Clare Danes*

Architect #6
1. Jessica Biel
2. Kiera Knightly
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Ali Larter
5. Jessica Alba
6. Eva Langoria
7. Eva Mendes
8. Christina Aguillera

After analyzing the voting with a highly sophisticated point system, the LWoA list of Maxim's hottest women is:
1. Jessica Biel
2. Jessica Alba
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Ali Larter
5. Christina Aguillera
6. Eva Mendes
7. Eva Langoria
8. Natalie Portman
9. Adriana Lima
10. Sarah Lancaster

I guess in hindsight, Maxim's list is not as bad as we originally thought. When it comes down to it, many of the women ARE hot. Perhaps putting LL at the top just threw us for a loop.

Maxim is Dead Wrong

Warning: this article contains language that some might construe as offensive. If you are one of those people, do not continue reading and please click here: This site is for you

What are the editors over at Maxim thinking? How in the world can they think Jessica Alba, Christina Aguillera, and Lindsey Lohan better looking than Jessica Biel? I'll admit Scarlett Johansson is way hot - much hotter than the aforementioned train wrecks but hotter than Jessica Biel? How in the world did she not end up on the top of the list. That's a stretch. I am afraid that Maxim uses the "hot like a drugged out whore I just dumped in an alley" standard for their hottest women and I don't get it. I am not sure that Maxim is taking their important work seriously. Many men rely on Maxim for their fix of scantly clad women, to be kept up to date on the latest hot chicks, and a number of reasons that are better kept behind bathroom doors. In order to try and kick them into shape, here is a quick critique of their list. If I am way off base and guys actually think that LL is the hottest, then perhaps there is a greater sociological problem that just can't be addressed within the confines of this little blog.

Lohan is just plain spooky. I'd rather bang roadkill. And why the fuck are Mary Kate & Ashley on this list anywhere? Maybe this should be the "top women whose rib cage I'd love to rub my dick against" list. I can understand why people think Alba is hot but she looks too young and too skinny. Many of these women look like underage boys. I think it is creepy when a guy over the age of 18 say that these women are hot. Any guy over 30 that agrees has a problem and should be arrested. I agree, they have some hotties on the list but to put LL at the top is a bit frightening. At least fucking road kill would give you less of a chance of scraping against bone because you have maggots there to cushion you.

Let's look at the rest of the list. I don't watch "Heroes" but after checking IMDb, I have to confess that I think Ali Larter is pretty damn hot and should remain on the list. Fergie looks like a cross dresser or something scary. Have you ever seen that face up close? There is something very wrong there. I guess if you are into cross dressers with messed up faces, she is hot. In my book, she shouldn't make the list. Langoria is ok, but I would not say top 10. I don't even know who Rhianna is and given the way this list is going, I doubt she is worth googling. Mendes is pretty cute again not top 10 material. Aguillera has a great body and even better voice, but a little bit of a jacked up face, still O.K. though. I guess I can always cover part of the page with my thumb so I'll let it slide. Johansson is hot, but people give her too much credit as the hottest person out there. Alba used to be hot, but got too skinny. Too skinny = not hot.

This listing raises a few questions. First, who is the hottest woman? Second, how do you create a "better" list?

In answer to question 1: Jessica Biel is the hottest woman right now. Those that don't agree either don't like women or need their eyes checked. Her accomplishments as an actress can be debated (Is she a bad actress or has she just not been given the proper roles to prove herself?) but her stature as a magnificent specimen of pure feminine beauty can NOT be questioned. Her presence in one of worst movies of all time, Blade 3, almost makes that movie watchable and every man with a half an ounce of testosterone in their system has to admit that they snuck in an episode or two of 7th Heaven just to get their Jessica fix.As for how to create a better list, the folks at LWoA are working diligently on that. Since reading the news about Maxim's list, we have done very little except debate this critical issue. Stay tuned for poll results of the hottest women in the world as brought to you by LWoA.