Life Without Andy

I'm so annoyed I could...

2011-02-08T09:30:00.003-06:00

I'm, so annoyed, I could throw a brick.

Come to think of it, maybe it's not such a great idea. Architects typically look like pussies.

Throwing bricks only accentuates the pussy-ness

We're Back
Yeah, it's been a while. What's it to you? We've been so freakin' busy, with this rip-roarin' economy and all, we just haven't had time to post (sarcasm).

Background
When our boss gets pissed he likes to throw things. The "Brick Throwing Incident" has become somewhat legendary. I am not sure what started it but I think it happened one day when he couldn't find trace paper in the conference room. It pushed him over the edge and as he briskly walked screaming out of the conference room, he grabbed a brick and tossed it across the office. I guess he has a lot of faith in our company's insurance policy.

This event is only second in the annals of anger management history to the time when he tried to tear the City of Chicago Building Code in half. A word of worning to architects that want to attempt this act in the future: This makes you look like an even bigger pussy than you do when you throw a brick.

Catching Up
Things have been so great around here that we figured it was time to recussitate the blog. Who cares if the office has dropped from forty to six employees and we have no one to write anymore. We'll try and make the most of it.

Injuries abound for second half of season

2008-11-11T07:53:00.003-06:00

Economically, the outlook overall is grim for this architectural season but many architectural teams are still working hard to salvage their firms. To make matters worse, at the half-way mark, architectural injuries are up about 35% from last year. The greatest seen since 1985 when the Windows platform was adopted by many offices and CAD drawing left many stricken with carpal tunnel. This is wreaking havoc on the Fantasy Architecture Pools out there.

Some say that most of the latest injuries are due to the stress of recent economic conditions. Others believe that maybe we’ve just pushed the physical gymnastics taken to achieve architectural inspiration one step too far. This argument is buoyed by the reports last week that Frank Ghery, in the act of crumbling taped together pieces of newspaper in the design for the new Anchorage Daily News Building, developed Mallet Finger. “It was the size of the paper”, Ghery noted. “I’ve done this millions of times with notebook sheets, 11x17, and even newspaper but to achieve the right look for such a prestigious paper, I needed something bigger. I went too far”. Three fingers were rendered helpless by the act.

The diagnosis is still undetermined in another crippling injury; one that could not have come at a worse time. While arguing his point about how the State Hermitage Museum absolutely must hire him for the project because they deserved one of his great buildings, Daniel Leibeskind suffered a series of tongue spasms. ”At the moment he was explaining how a free irrotational vortex geometry creates a series of asymmetric, yet computable and predictable arcs, and mimic the classical corinthian detailing and thus relate to the existing building yet point towards a less predictable and more sophisticated future, he was rendered speechless“ his assistant Hans Hanneman explained. Leibeskind’s staff was in tears as they each relayed their account of the harrowing experience.

Finally, no injury is more shocking than the intense photosensitivity that has plagued not only head architect, Richard Meier but most of his staff. ”I will not relent, they must be white so if I have to work only at night, so be it. If I have to resort to a pinhole projector to view my creations, I will“, said Meier wearing a fashionable pair of custom-made Hilfiger sunglasses. The affliction took place while Meier and his staff were enjoying a cocktail party Meier held at newly completed private residence at an undisclosed location in Florida. ”I brought them there to congratulate everyone for a job well done“, exclaimed a visibly upset Meier. ”It was just too sunny that day.“ Two catering workers were also injured.

The complete list of this years injuries are as follows:

Out
Frank Ghery, mallet finger
Daniel Leibeskind, tongue spasms

Doubtful
Rem Koolhas, constant state of jet lag
Renzio Piano, acute art-phobia

Questionable
Richard Meier, photosensitivity
Santiago Calatrava, vertigo

The Reviews Begin (Again)

2008-07-28T10:53:00.002-05:00

It's that time of year (actually, we're about 4 months late but who's counting). We are starting reviews this week. The pool is open - cast your time by adding it to the comments here and we'll give a prize to the person that picks the date closest to the final review.

In the meantime - since this could take some time, here is something for your viewing pleasure:

The anticipation has been killing us

2008-07-10T12:53:00.004-05:00

Unfortunately gas prices kept us from flying to Sweden last weekend for the Mama Mia Premier but nothing will keep us from getting together, downing a few appletinis, and going over to see the movie. We still have no clue what it's about or how you could make a movie, let alone a musical from a bunch of ABBA songs but we're sure it is nothing short of fantastic. We just hope there is a good cry in here somewhere so we can let out some of the emotions that are building up from the daily grind.

Close But No Cigar

2008-04-24T12:10:00.005-05:00

So the FHM sexiest women list came out today. The all-time LWoA favorite came in at #2. The last time we tried to form a concensus on this issue, it took an immense amount of work. I have to say, I think that the folks at FHM have much better taste than those at Maxim but I'll let you be the judge. Rather than go through all that again, let's open up the conversation through the comments to this post and see what everyone thinks.

By the way, In case you forgot what the hottest woman in the world looks like:

Studio Gang Bang

2008-04-17T21:18:00.013-05:00

As you are all aware, we here at LWoA take architecture and architectural criticism very seriously. Not as seriously as the goings on in the life of Jessica Biel, but seriously none the less. It is in this role that we must talk about the one thing that everyone, except us apparently, in Chicago is talking about. Of course we speak of the great and powerful AQUA! If you have not seen this piece of architectural genius please take a moment and check it out.

http://www.lakeshoreeast.com/aqua/

Welcome back. If you are like us you surely enjoyed the fun water effects as your mouse moved across the rendering. Graphic designers have it made, don’t they? Back to the issue at hand, the state of architectural critique today. If you have been keeping up with the writings and pontifications of Blair Kamin, Lee Bey, Stanley Tigerman, and countless others, then you know that they have a soft spot for Ms. Gang. In fact, the most recent article by Kamin is a borderline obscene overture and seems to go well beyond a passing admiration for her work. As people continue to spew the virtues of Aqua and its creator we must ask, does everyone want to take part in a Jeanne Gangbang? Don’t get me wrong, Aqua is a fine residential tower and will probably look pretty good on the skyline, but really is it the piece of earth shattering brilliance it is made out to be by Blair? Or is he so infatuated by Jeannie that he forgot to put his glasses on and look at the building? Hey if you want to steal a kiss from her and hope she calls you in the morning that’s great, but be honest about it, don’t hide behind “honest architectural review”?
Let’s take a moment to look at Aqua and see if maybe Blair and Stan the Man are correct and it is the pearl in the sea of crap that is residential development in Chicago. We have seen the models, looked at the website, checked out the unit plans, and done the things we assume any good architecture critic would do and come to one easy conclusion: the balconies are cool. They are balconies, right? It's hard to tell because they have yet to be depicted as such, with mandatory guardrails and the corresponding grills and crap that people pile on them. Anyway, the shape of the "balcony" is interesting and makes for a very nice looking façade. No one is arguing against that. Then again, as one noted observer points out: if it were not for the building’s name and all of those flashy effects on the website one might think that this building has nothing to do with water and instead that, like an old tree, a family of fungus is growing from it. Perhaps this dual imagery is its strength, a sign of genius? But we digress.
The rest of the building is the problem. What’s that? You did not realize there was a building behind those balconies? Of course not, because not a word has been written about the actual space inside the building or the earth shattering new concept in residential living you will be purchasing when you buy your aqua unit. Why is this? Well, if you wanted to sleep with the hot girl you would focus on complimenting and ignore the criticism also. Is a building wonderful just because you convinced the builder to bend a little steel to make the concrete formwork curved instead of straight? We bet this works for most people. Even we know absolutely nothing about what Jessica Biel is thinking. We just know she makes us stop breathing with her captivating beauty. It’s a start, but perhaps there could be more. There must be something about modern condos that would be better if we rethought them a little.

It is also unclear what happens where this building meets the ground. Obviously Kamin’s fetish ends at about the knees. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a beautiful set of feet (God what we’d give for a nice close-up of Jessica’s feet) but we haven’t seen much detail of what Aqua holds in store. Most published images seem to focus on the upper three-quarters of the building. I guess it doesn’t really matter because anything might be considered “fine” in the cavernous mess that passes for a streetscape at Lakeshore East. It looks like a massive curved canteliever over a non-descript storefront wall. This may be an overture to contextualism in relation to the rest of the area but maybe we should reserve judgement for when we can actually see the real thing.

There is another confusing aspect to how this building has been depicted. Most images show this thing sitting majestically at the edge of Grant Park. We went for a visit and though you can see it from the park, it doesn’t seem to have the dramatic site that the renderings promise. In fact, it seems to suffer a bit because it is tucked within the development as opposed to being on a prominent edge. This seems fine for the fungus-laden tree trunk imagery but not for “Aqua”. Why was a site somewhere else in the development not chosen? If the edge of Grant Park is impossible, then perhaps something closer to the river?

Regardless of how this might seem, all of this is not a knock at Aqua or The Gang, but points to a problem with the state of architectural critique in the city. Let’s celebrate the cool building mass we will get from aqua when it’s finished, but aren’t critics being paid to look at the whole thing, not just the model? There is not much innovative about the floor plan, that’s for sure. Looks exactly like the stuff inside all the boring towers going up. It should take a little more than a curved balcony to make something as special as it seems this building is.

Let’s also look at how this thing is situated within the entire Lakeshore East development. So why didn’t it get located on the river-side of the development or in a more conspicuous spot altogether. You would think it would deserve a decent site since it is also supposedly architect-developer Lowenberg’s swan song. It is definitely nicer than his typical productions but frankly, we deserve something decent from him as this guy has been leaving loads of crap along the streets of Chicago for years.

Unfortunately, the issues we raise seem to escape criticism. Step up and look at the big picture Blair, its OK, she will probably still like you. This gushing over architects seems to be a prevalent theme within Chicago architectural criticism circles. What seems to be particularly odd is that all of the most recent gushing is going on over an architect that has very few built structures and over a building that is barely half-constructed. Kamin himself should know the pitfalls of this as he took a particularly strong stance against this phenomenon in a 1997 Tribune article; written when everyone was jumping on the Bilbao bandwagon. Isn't he falling into the same trap by participating in the Studio Gangbang? So that may be our problem: we at LWoA expect a little more form our critics. Aqua is nice, but it is nothing special beyond the façade. Maybe that is our problem, sadly way back when we learned to be architects someone told us that buildings are not just objects to be looked at from across the street, but spaces to be inhabited and experienced. Maybe we are wrong and we should just enjoy the cool form we will get to see, especially since no one at the LWoA staff can afford to live there and have their own wavy balcony. But no, we expect more, just as we will not sit back and simply enjoy Jessica Biel in all her hotness, but rather debate her ability as an actress. We want it all and can not simply over look the flaws in buildings or hot women (although it is a lot easier with the women).

Wait a minute! We have just reviewed the floor plans one more time and we were wrong, the building truly is a brilliant design. Look closely, see it…..the islands in the kitchen have an angled side, they are not standard rectangles, now that is innovative. That clinches it, We were wrong, the critics are correct, sign us up for the studio gangbang!!!

"What would you say you do here?"

2008-04-03T13:19:00.004-05:00

Recently we were given a puzzled look when we presented a proposal to a prospective client of our apparently obscure services. The proposal included numbers for mechanical electrical and plumbing engineering design consultants, structural engineering consultants, civil engineering consultants, sustainability consultants, acoustic design consultants, interior design consultants, surveyors, landscape design consultants, and, then, at the very end, our number for architectural services.

What's included in your architectural services? These were, of course, nobly defined in the proposal but with all these other team members it boiled down to coordination and permitting. Those of you who are architects and architects in Chicago, know that these are essential and painful tasks. But they are soft, tangible only when things go wrong. Do they need an architect to do this project? What are we stamping? Where does our responsibility lie? Is our stamp necessary only because the City requires it?

Good questions. Engineers stamp the MEP design, the structural design, and the civil engineering design. The architect is basically there to make sure the interior design is up to code and available to all those handicapped.

We daydream back to the heady days of architecture school. Chip board and plexi glass models abound, lofty vocabulary describing our studio projects floated high with our dreams of a professional career of half art half science. Back in front of AutoCAD, we haven't seen chip board in years, there is no art just building code, no science just coordination.

They could hire project management consultants to do the coordination and construction administration, then where would we at LWoA be?

Making a little better than $34k a year, ready to be fired at any time.

Should we be surprised that they've done it again?

2008-03-25T14:13:00.007-05:00

While browsing the latest issue of Architect Magazine for good pics of architects looking like assholes (which doesn't take long), we came across an article just slightly more messed up than the one on intern salaries. Just when we thought Architect magazine put the last nail in the coffin for interns and "underlings", they come up with an article of how the architecture profession can fuck itself a little harder.

In an article entitled, "You're Fired", they go into detail about the touchy subject of how the owner of an architecture firm can "protect themselves" in case they have to fire an employee. It is classic because every architecture firm deals with this issue and some do it better than others. Most of what the article points to is standard stuff - you should do reviews of employees, keep records of their performance, blah blah blah. Incidentally, we have worked at in a number of architecture firms and none of them have been particularly good at this so I guess this article is telling architects something they obviously don't get.
The classic case is my current office (which I must honestly say is better than most). We hold these reviews (that are often joked about on this site). They begin around February and drag on until the week before Christmas. It is classic. By the time most folks are being reviewed, a year has passed since they have filled out their self-review. How the hell are we supposed to remember what we wrote about and did over a year ago??? This also sucks for the folks that don't "make it" for a year, which brings me to the next point in the article.

The part where we think that the "helpful information" in the article really falls apart is when the article insinuates that an "at will" policy infers that architecture firms hire employees on a temporary basis. For those of you that aren't familiar, the "at will" clause usually has wording that says something like"we can part ways at any time for any reason that is not illegal" we are sure that many firms hope and even insinuate that this relationship is not intended to be temporary. Unfortunately, there are many, far too many, that take the other extreme and use this clause as an excuse to "bulk up" when they have jobs and to fire at will when work slows down.

Shouldn't a person owning a business have any responsibility towards their employees? Since when should we "reasonably expect" that we would be treated like crap and that people are expendable? Is this yet another place where the architectural profession has failed in terms of ethics? And why the hell is an architectural journal publishing about how to fire architects??? Maybe it's because the registered architects aren't the ones that will lose. The interns are the ones getting screwed here. At $34K a year, they get a "temporary job" to boot. Hey, maybe THAT"S why they get paid so little: they are temporary.
This article seems all wrong. Unless it is trying to pander to the lowest common denominator scum-bag architects, perhaps problems in our profession can't be solved by creating legal protection for architectural firm owners but instead could be addressed if architects had better training with how to run a business. If you do not have a sustainable office, then maybe you shouldn't be in business in the first place. Or if we we want to be completely truthful, then perhaps suck it up and admit you are hiring your employees as "temporary" and label them as such from the beginning. It is almost as offensive but at least you aren't hiding your scummyness behind legalese. Then again, this might not get you many takers when you start handing out the "temporary" job offers.

All of this is moot, of course, if you hire blacks, women, and people in wheelchairs. The article also informs that you're fucked if you try and fire those folks. There is a catch 22 to that situation. Wouldn't we all expect and want to add diversity to the profession but at what cost? You would end up keeping them around in the fear that you'd be slapped with a law suit? Thank God there are only 2% black women in this field (as stated in yet another brilliant Architect Magazine article) so the chances of getting people with these characteristics walking (or wheeling) in your door are pretty slim in the first place.

The best part is that all of this mumbo jumbo gets packaged nicely in your "office handbook". Boy, we wish we had smuggled a few of these out of the offices we have worked for. They really are classic. Maybe employees are naive. We thought these things were guides for how the office should be run, how to make them more productive and professional. NOT. They set up the case that they can fire you for any reason no matter what. The "at will" policy combined with the "guidelines" and "change at any time without notice" disclaimers give the partners zero responsibility to employees.

Well, that seems like enough of a rant. The laughable note of all of this is that our office subscription to Architect Magazine is to an architect that was only with us for about a year. He got fired and never got his review.

When buildings talk, part 2

2008-02-28T08:57:00.003-06:00

Top Ten Reasons Why a Lesbian Sex Scene Between Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson Might Be a Bad Idea

2008-02-15T13:52:00.011-06:00

In case you've been living under a rock or haven't been keeping track of erotic lesbian scenes between major film stars, we're here for you. In his upcoming film, Woody Allen will feature Penelope Cruz andScarlett Johansson in what he considers to be the "biggest erotic scene in movie history". This kind of film news just doen't get by the folks at LWoA.At first glance, you might think that this is genius – a sure winner at any box office. Hey, if Heath and Jake can draw crowds doin' the nasty, then why can't two chicks? They may be right. Not since Neve Campbell and Denise Richards showed off their tremendous acting abilities in Wild Things (and the subsequent releases of Wild Things 2 and Wild Things 3) have we been so anxious about a film release.

Then again, is this too much of a good thing. The minute someone says "best" or "biggest", our synical side kicks in. After much careful consideration, we are starting to see some down sides to this idea. Here are 10 of them:

10. This is becoming "old hat" for Cruz. Between her music video stint and Head in the Clouds, shouldn't Cruz just give up her current career and go right into into lesbian porno.

9. Do you honestly think they will get through the scene without whining or cracking a self-depricating joke?

8. Can you truly enjoy watching a lesbian sex scene including someone that slept with Tom Cruise?

7. We heard the scene will be in a photographic dark room, surely concealing all the "good stuff". A pool or sauna with lots of daylight is always best.

6. You have to sit through a Woody Allen film to watch the scene.

5. They do another lesbian trist in the film with a guy in the scene. Why did he have to go and ruin it?

4. The scene is most likely too short.

3. People might call Woody Allen a pervert and will no longer take his films seriously.

2. Jessica Biel was not chosen for the Penelope Cruz role.

1. Actually, the casting is all wrong: with Jessica Biel in the Penelope Cruz role, cast Jessica Alba in the Scarlett Johansson role - or is that an entirely new film?

Super Bowl

2008-02-03T09:06:00.001-06:00

Only a group of architects would favor form over function in determining their squares in an office pool for the Super Bowl:

DCAP Costumer Satisfaction Survey. Yes, please.

2008-01-23T11:21:00.000-06:00

**************************************************
**************************************************
CHICAGO DEPARTMENT OF CONSTRUCTION AND PERMITS
CUSTOMER SATISFACTION SURVEY
**************************************************
**************************************************

You have recently been issued a permit from the City of Chicago Department
of Construction and Permits, please take a few minutes to help us serve you better by completing this customer satisfaction survey. Any customer identification information will be kept confidential.

Your responses will be combined with others who complete this survey and used to address customer satisfaction.

CLICK REPLY TO THIS EMAIL AND FILL OUT THE BELOW.

1. Please check the category that best fits your role in obtaining a permit
from the City of Chicago.

Building Owner__ Developer___ Contractor__ Architect_X_ Engineer__ Expeditor__
Other (Please specify)_________________________________________

2. Please check the category that best describes your permit (s).

Electrical__ Residential General Repairs__ New Commercial__ "Heating, Ventilation, Air Conditioning"__ Plumbing__ New Residential__ Commercial General
Repairs__ Other (Please specify)__COMMERCIAL INTERIOR BUILD OUT (it's going to be awesome despite your meddling attempts to fuck with us)

3. Please describe the permit process used to obtain your permit?

Easy Permit Process__
Self-Certified Online_X - you know, the one that is supposed to be fast and easy....
Fast Track Online__
Standard Plan Review__
Developer Services__
Neighborhood Permit Center: (select location)
South-95th Street__ Southwest-Kedzie Avenue__
North-Addison__ Downtown-City Hall, Rm. 104__

4. Please describe your level of familiarity with the DCAP permit process.
New to the process/First permit__
Somewhat new to the process/Second permit__
Somewhat experienced/More than five permits_X - DCAP makes me wish I went to medical school.
Very experienced/More than ten permits_

5. Please rate the following using a scale of 1 to 5,
with 1 being poor and 5 being excellent -I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT!
Please mark N/A if item is not applicable

Ease in obtaining an appointment_2 - BECAUSE I ACTUALLY GOT ONE. I LOVE HOW THE APPOINTMENT FORM MUST BE FAXED AND WHEN I CALL TO VERIFY, THE OH SO HELPFUL DCAP EMPLOYEE ACTS LIKE THEY ARE GIVING ME THEIR REMAINING KIDNEY JUST BY SPEAKING WITH ME.

Ease in applying for a permit_2 - BECAUSE IT USED TO ACTUALLY BE HARDER! DO THEY DESIGN THEIR SITE AND PROCESS TO BE MORE DIFFICULT ON PURPOSE? SOME SORT OF TWISTED BUREAUCRATIC WAY TO TAKE REVENGE ON THE REST OF US FOR NOT HAVING TO WORK THERE .

Ease in submitting permit information online for Self-Certification - 2 -
NOW I REALIZE THAT A BUILDING IS A COMPLICATED AND FAIRLY PERMANENT STRUCTURE BUT WHEN YOU ASK FOR ARCANE INFORMATION ABOUT EXHAUST FAN RPM AND TOTAL FUEL OIL CONSUMPTION OVER THE LIFESPAN OF THE EQUIPMENT, QUESTIONS MY ENGINEERS DON'T KNOW, THE PRODUCTS SPECIFICATIONS DON'T LIST, WHEN YOU ASK ME TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS BEFORE I SUBMIT FOR PERMIT, WELL....IT REALLY PISSES ME OFF.
DCAP, WE'RE THE TROLL. ANSWER ME THESE QUESTIONS THREE.

Simplicity of the permit process_1 UM, FUCK YOU!

Convenience of the permit process_1 WOW, I WISH I COULD PISS ON YOUR FACE.

Friendliness, helpfulness and courteousness of neighborhood permit center
staff__ N/A_X- THANKFULLY I DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THESE ODDITIES OF HUMANKIND.

Friendliness, helpfulness and courteousness of customer service staff_3
N/A__ ONE LADY ACTUALLY SMILED AT ME. ONCE.

Friendliness, helpfulness and courteousness of reviewers_3 N/A__SELF CERT PROJECTS DON'T REQUIRE REVIEW, THIS MADE THEM ALL MORE FRIENDLY.

Timeliness of reviews_1 N/A__STILL TOOK TO LONG FOR THEM TO DO NOTHING.

Consistency, clarity and thoroughness of reviews__ N/A_

Approach of reviewers (positive and helpful)_3 N/A__MY PROJECT MANAGER WAS KIND OF HELPFUL. HE CAN LIVE.

DCAP staff was very knowledge-able about permit process/building code_4
N/A__HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO LOOK IN THE BOOK! THE CITY SHOULD HIRE MORE LIKE HIM.

Speed in obtaining the permit_1 N/A__THE CITY EQUIVALENT OF WHAT SUPPOSED TO BE A THREE HOUR CRUISE. I MADE A WHOLE BUNCH OF SHIT OUT OF COCONUTS IN THE TIME IT TOOK TO GET OFF THE PERMIT APPLICATION ISLAND. (too much Gilligan?)

DCAP Web site was useful, informative and easy to navigate_1 WHEN YOU NEED A SITE TO EXPLAIN HOW TO NAVIGATE YOUR SITE, IT IS NOT USEFUL, INFORMATIVE OR EASY TO NAVIGATE, IT'S EVIL.

DCAP hours of operation _1 N/A__I JUST HATE DCAP SO MUCH THAT I THINK THEY SHOULD BE OPEN 24 HOURS OUT OF SPITE.

6. How quickly did you receive your permit after submitting an application?

Same day__ Three days__ One week__ One month__
Other (Please specify)_____FIVE WEEKS - WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN AMAZING IF THERE WERE THE REGULAR PERMIT PROCESS BUT LIKE I SAID, IT WAS SELF CERT. SELF CERT IS SUPPOSED TO BE FAST, ONE WEEK FAST. WE PAY EXTRA FOR THAT SHIT.

7. Please rate the following using a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being poor and
5 being excellent.

Satisfaction with the level of professional service at DCAP__2 I THOUGHT MY PROJECT MANAGER WAS GOOD, SO HE BRINGS THIS SCORE UP FROM THE NEGATIVES.

Satisfaction with the permit process (simple and easy to follow)_2 MY EARLIER COMMENTS ON THIS ASIDE, WHEN A PROCESS CHANGES EVERY YEAR OR EVEN EVERY FEW MONTHS, IT MAKES THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE ANYTHING BUT SIMPLE AND EASY TO FOLLOW. THERE WERE THREE DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THE PERMIT APPLICATION! WHICH ONE SHOULD I USE? I FELT LIKE I WAS PICKING FOR MY LIFE, LIKE THE WRONG CHOICE WOULD END IN ME RUNNING THROUGH A CAVE WITH A GIANT BOULDER OF STINGING SCORPIONS CHASING ME AND I DON'T OWN A BULLWHIP! RUN INDIE, RUN!

oh and expediters. The best way to get a permit fast seems to be by hiring expediters to move it through the process. Doesn't it seem odd that a service has sprouted up solely for the purpose of waiting in line at DCAP? Nothing against them as people, but expediters don't know anything about construction, why are they required? because DCAP permitting process is so fucking slow, unprofessional, and needlessly complex.

8. In what areas do you feel DCAP performed well?

The project manager was reasonable and professional.

9. What else can DCAP do to make the permit process more convenient?

The separation of the Zoning department, separate review process
caused significant time wasted waiting in their lines. The zoning
examiners were prohibitive to a speedy process. I would like to see
the DCAP project manager expedite the zoning review, act as the
interface between myself and the Zoning department.
This project was a Self Cert. It was unclear as to which of three
different permit applications available online we were supposed to
use. This confusion caused the zoning people to repeal their approval
due to irregular application documents. This was infuriating as the
project is interior work only and doesn't change use, no zoning
issues. This caused a nine day delay in permit being issued. CAN WE HAVE THE ENTIRE ZONING DEPARTMENT STAFF LIQUIDATED? WHO DO I SPEAK TO ABOUT THAT?

10. What else can we do to make the DCAP Web site more helpful to you?

The site is slow, poorly organized and has too much information is on
each page. Make it clear what documents are required for each permit
process / type. Make it clear or only have one permit application
available. Be able to schedule appointments online - NO FAX. Be able
to submit drawings in PDF format.
-------
These are my thoughts on a recent experience with the Chicago Department of Construction and Permits. These are my feelings, however unrefined, and don't necessarily represent the feelings of the LWoA staff...at least not at this very second. Maybe now. Or now.

I'll end with a story. Once I was working on a prospective project in Palm Springs, CA. I walked into their immaculate and empty building department. A lovely woman stood with a smile and said to me, "Welcome to Palm Springs Building Department. How can I help you get a permit today?" Bless her. RIP Sonny Bono.

A new year and we still have our jobs

2008-01-20T19:50:00.000-06:00

Well, most of us do... ...so far. I guess with all of the doom and gloom of the economy, we should be happy. Things are looking up though. At least this is what you might think if you consider what a client of ours said the other day: "At least now they are talking about an overall recession and are no longer fixating on how the housing market is in the gutter."

And what do we need to pull us out of our economic-induced coma? A cool horror flick that depicts havoc in the largest American city. One uplifting thought comes to mind while watching the head of the statue of Liberty crashing into a building, chunks of the city flying here and there, and major portions of the city infrastructure getting ravaged. That thought: they're gonna need some architects when this is all through."Earthquake in New York" is on tonight. I don't know about you guys but this architect is making a shit-load of popcorn and parking himself in front of the tube!

The reviews continue - everyone gets a beer

2007-10-16T08:06:00.000-05:00

The 15th has come and gone, there is no end in sight for employee reviews, more than 3 people have left, and the new guy never showed up for work - even after he was hired. Though CM had the closest guess, there are no winners so I guess we all win. We can all go celebrate with a beer. Except for John, because he is in San Francisco and is busy studying the interrelationships of Feng Shui and urban planning. Hint: If you have an architectural firm with a policy of yearly performance reviews, you might want to actually have the reviews before you have no employees left to review.

Blog Action Day

2007-10-15T13:46:00.000-05:00

Today is Blog Action Day. We’re not sure if the Shrub has declared it a national holiday or not but if you are browsing the blogosphere today, you’ll likely notice that everyone is writing about the environment in some way or another. We’ll try to be serious for 5 seconds and contribute to this.

We’ve done a little browsing and there is some great stuff going on out there but in all of the chatter about composting, wind farms, and hybrid vehicles, it’s very easy to lose focus. We are all on this planet for a pretty short period of time – and then we’re gone. You would think that with such a finite existence, we would take the time and exert the effort to enjoy one another’s company just a little. Our advice for a better environment is this: Smile.

What is the point of the world being here forever and what is the point of prolonged life if we don’t get along – or at least be amused by each other’s existence? People are pretty damned entertaining if you just give them a chance. If you hate people, you can even fake it so you don't ruin it for everyone else. Hey, if this guy can do it, anyone can.
Have a nice day!

Architect must be boycotted

2007-09-26T15:19:00.001-05:00

The magazine, Architect, must be boycotted. Do architects actually read this shit? This stuff might be great for Annie Choi’s friends but who else picks it up? You know you are in trouble when a guy with Le Corbusier glasses is on the front cover and his last name isn’t Johnson. This, in our minds, is going too far.

We though that the magazine was flawed from the start but were willing to give it a chance. We also thought that really had it coming. They are the ones responsible for that horrible salary article a while back. This is great for people like us that like to criticize this shit but what other good does it do?

Has anyone seen the latest issue? The first couple issues had a few annoying pics of architects. I can take my occasional self-promotional horse shit but the latest issue is the worst. Every article, commentary, ad, you name it, is accompanied by a full-page photo of an architect or architects. It has become the GQ of architecture magazines. The poses are terrible too. It is like the word “ASSHOLE” should be scrawled beneath each picture.
The flaw of the magazine is that it is all about focusing on the architects not the architecture. Who the fuck cares about what architects wear or how they look or whether they are a nerd or not? Your buildings and designs should be your connection to people, not your picture in GQ. We are all for celebrating the newest, cool design to be done by someone but lets allow the architecture ego to be enlarged through that and not through you looking cool in a black suit. Besides, there are no hot chicks doing cool architecture so who would want to look at the photos. Could you imagine the next issue: Zaha Hahaha naked in a hot tub except for a couple of artistically placed bubbles? That’s the crescendo that magazine seems to be building towards and it’s just wrong.
Maybe this is the point of the magazine and why it is called "Architect" and not "Architecture - something". If so, then we think this point is all wrong. It not only exacerbates the problem we have with the image of the architect as the all-knowing savior but it simultaneously pushes the point that image is more important than anything else when it comes to architecture. Personally, we not only find this inaccurate but a disservice to what we do as a profession.

One building says to another building:

2007-08-03T21:26:00.001-05:00

Why do we do such crappy buildings?

2007-08-02T16:38:00.001-05:00

Most of the buildings we design are condominiums. It’s not a romantic job but someone has to do it. One question we often ask ourselves is, “why can’t we make nicer buildings”. The easy blame gets spread between the head designer and the owner but this doesn’t really tell the entire story.

First it’s important to clarify; I don’t think any of us feels particularly guilty about our work. We aren’t killing kittens or doing anything as unseemly as that. We are making a minor contribution to the world: people need a place to live. We are fulfilling a need. It’s not great that they seem to love living in little cubicles in the sky but what can we do about that? Also, our buildings don’t completely suck. They have a little detail, are typically not un-pleasant to walk by and they sure as hell aren't the worse things on the street.
One of the problems is that work is somewhat mundane. How many cubicles in the sky can you really design while keeping it interesting? Some architects get more excited if those cubicles in the sky are glass and steel instead of brick and wood but I am not sure there is that great a distinction between the two. Others are excited if you just change the shape of the cubicle – boy, if only that apartment were round or obtuse – now that would be more fun to design. Please…

I am not sure that the product is the problem. Part of the problem with designing these things is that we are only concerned with what sells. Granite counters, body sprays and rain cans, that perfect “sweet spot” of square footage. Oh, and it has to have a little outdoor space – even if that space is a 25 square foot checker-plate deck facing an garbage-filled alley, it has to have it. These are all that really matters in the condo world. And why is this so? It is easiest to blame the lemmings that seem to be lining the streets to buy this stuff. Or is it the developers who believe that this is all people want so this is what they are going to serve them. Perhaps it’s a combination of the two.
Another line of thought is that architects are to blame for this entire dilemma. Since we are the harbingers of architectural culture, it is our job to educate the public about quality space and design. If this were the case, wouldn’t we have spent more time learning how to teach and communicate then how to draw and design?

Ultimately, cheaper and bigger end up being the goal and in order to make the client happy (so we can get paid and commissioned to designed more “bigger and cheaper” cubicles) we do whatever it takes. Cheaper and bigger is what the client wants and it is what the client sells to the consumers – which is, in this city, most of us. What a screwed up circle.

One of the ladies formerly in our office informed us that Oprah had a show on “living small” (as if this would eventually change the world). The show featured one guy that lives in 94 square feet of space. This guy is obviously not married and he certainly doesn’t rake in the kind of dough that Oprah does. Does Nate Berkus live in 94 sq feet? Shit, I don’t think Oprah can confine herself to 9400 square feet (and I am not making a crack about her body here)!
Who knows, maybe Oprah is the answer. Perhaps she can begin to assist architects in the education of the general public about quality space through her show!!! Then again, I am not sure I could stomach a talk show filled with architects. HGTV and the DIY network are bad enough. Perhaps if we can convince Oprah what quality design is and that quantity is not everything, I am sure we are well on our way to not designing crappy buildings anymore.

Dear Annie Choi

2007-07-25T17:33:00.001-05:00

Dear Annie Choi,

Good riddance. We haven’t been so keen on you hanging around us like an archi-hag anyway. It's too bad though, we will truly miss all of those “deep” interjections you have about turkey eggs and tacos.

We are sorry that you have not been able to use us for something self-gratifying like you do the rest of your so-called friends. Sorry we seem to have nothing to offer you but we do take offense at the suggestion that we are not good to hang out with at a bars. Frankly, we believe we are some of the most jovial drinkers out there. We are also typically quite generous with buying rounds as we hate to drink alone. Perhaps you didn’t catch a round because you were too busy ogling the doctors and lawyers at the tables next to us. Or maybe we were downing our drinks so fast that you missed a round or two.

We also don’t get the whole 11:00 at night dinner thing. We are sure that there are some in our profession that love to work more than anything else in the world and unless we have been out drinking and skipped a regular dinner hour, we typically dine right after work. It is unfortunate that those are the only architects you hang out with. We believe that if you started slumming it and hung out with some of us from the 2nd and 3rd tier architecture firms (not the SOMs, KPFs, or any of those snobby arty firms) you would quickly find that many of us realize there is much more to life than architecture. We typically show this by drinking profusely; religiously attending every nearby happy hour.

Don’t think for a moment though, that while slumming with us lesser architects you will escape discussions of architecture. We still over-indulge in ourselves and in our work and why shouldn’t we? We are the most brilliant and most important people we know. We are responsible for some really cool shit. We just don’t work as hard as our big-wig counterparts. Stressing over stuff like what angle to tilt our curtain walls or what type of zinc-coated panels to use on our buildings is really not high on our list of priorities.

Again, we are not so sad you are giving up on us. It's just too bad you have such a bad impression. If you stuck around long enough you might eventually see us slip into some meaningful conversations about space elevators, Adam & Eve, or Jessic Biel’s acting career.

Yours truly,

Architects Suffering a Life Without Andy

Top ten clues that you may not be environmentally friendly:

2007-05-29T15:47:00.000-05:00

10. You shoot anything that moves in your back yard out of fear that it might carry disease.

9. You have covered every inch of your yard with landscape fabric to prevent weeds.
8. You put all your “empties” neatly back into the case but still can’t find the energy to recycle.

7. You own a battery-operated Roundup gun.
6. You choose to drive to work even though it takes longer than public transportation. 5. You are frightened by compost.

4. You bring a television with you... ...camping.
3. Your idea of watering the lawn is leaving the sprinkler on until puddles form on the sidewalks.2. You are convinced that compact flourescent bulbs are part of a communist conspiracy.
1. You believe it when the president says that scientists are unsure about global warming.

A New List

2007-05-20T07:18:00.000-05:00

So here it is. After long hours of debating, we have come up with a system to revise the Maxim list. Each of us was given the top ten women and were allowed to subtract as many women and re-arrange them in whatever order we wanted. We then add a new woman to the list to create a new top ten. Since some of us at LWoA know nothing about following directions, a few of the lists break that mold. In that event, any women beyond 1 that was added is deleted in the final tally. An asterisk follows that woman's name. Note that some of us had a hard time making a top ten out of their top ten.

Architect #1:
1. Jessica Alba
2. Adrianna Linn
3. Kristen Kreuk
4. Jessica Biel
5. Lucy Liu*
6. Scarlett Johansson
7. Eva Langoria
8. Christina Aguillera
9. Ali Larter
10. Eva Mendes

Architect #2
1. Adriana Lima
2. Jessica Alba
3. Jessica Simpson
4. Jessica Biel
5. Scarlett Johansson
6. Christina Aguillera
7. Alissa milano*
8. Angelina Jolie*
9. Eva Langoria
10. Cindy Crawford*

Architect #3
1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Jessica Biel
3. Ali Larter
4. Sarah Carter
5. Scarlett Chervat*

Architect #4
1. Jessica Biel
2. Sarah Lancaster
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Eva Mendes

Architect #5
1. Natalie Portman
2. Jessica Beil
3. Scarlet Johansen
4. Chick from Rome*
5. Clare Danes*

Architect #6
1. Jessica Biel
2. Kiera Knightly
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Ali Larter
5. Jessica Alba
6. Eva Langoria
7. Eva Mendes
8. Christina Aguillera

After analyzing the voting with a highly sophisticated point system, the LWoA list of Maxim's hottest women is:
1. Jessica Biel
2. Jessica Alba
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Ali Larter
5. Christina Aguillera
6. Eva Mendes
7. Eva Langoria
8. Natalie Portman
9. Adriana Lima
10. Sarah Lancaster

I guess in hindsight, Maxim's list is not as bad as we originally thought. When it comes down to it, many of the women ARE hot. Perhaps putting LL at the top just threw us for a loop.

Maxim is Dead Wrong

2007-05-16T14:57:00.000-05:00

Warning: this article contains language that some might construe as offensive. If you are one of those people, do not continue reading and please click here: This site is for you

What are the editors over at Maxim thinking? How in the world can they think Jessica Alba, Christina Aguillera, and Lindsey Lohan better looking than Jessica Biel? I'll admit Scarlett Johansson is way hot - much hotter than the aforementioned train wrecks but hotter than Jessica Biel? How in the world did she not end up on the top of the list. That's a stretch. I am afraid that Maxim uses the "hot like a drugged out whore I just dumped in an alley" standard for their hottest women and I don't get it. I am not sure that Maxim is taking their important work seriously. Many men rely on Maxim for their fix of scantly clad women, to be kept up to date on the latest hot chicks, and a number of reasons that are better kept behind bathroom doors. In order to try and kick them into shape, here is a quick critique of their list. If I am way off base and guys actually think that LL is the hottest, then perhaps there is a greater sociological problem that just can't be addressed within the confines of this little blog.

Lohan is just plain spooky. I'd rather bang roadkill. And why the fuck are Mary Kate & Ashley on this list anywhere? Maybe this should be the "top women whose rib cage I'd love to rub my dick against" list. I can understand why people think Alba is hot but she looks too young and too skinny. Many of these women look like underage boys. I think it is creepy when a guy over the age of 18 say that these women are hot. Any guy over 30 that agrees has a problem and should be arrested. I agree, they have some hotties on the list but to put LL at the top is a bit frightening. At least fucking road kill would give you less of a chance of scraping against bone because you have maggots there to cushion you.

Let's look at the rest of the list. I don't watch "Heroes" but after checking IMDb, I have to confess that I think Ali Larter is pretty damn hot and should remain on the list. Fergie looks like a cross dresser or something scary. Have you ever seen that face up close? There is something very wrong there. I guess if you are into cross dressers with messed up faces, she is hot. In my book, she shouldn't make the list. Langoria is ok, but I would not say top 10. I don't even know who Rhianna is and given the way this list is going, I doubt she is worth googling. Mendes is pretty cute again not top 10 material. Aguillera has a great body and even better voice, but a little bit of a jacked up face, still O.K. though. I guess I can always cover part of the page with my thumb so I'll let it slide. Johansson is hot, but people give her too much credit as the hottest person out there. Alba used to be hot, but got too skinny. Too skinny = not hot.

This listing raises a few questions. First, who is the hottest woman? Second, how do you create a "better" list?

In answer to question 1: Jessica Biel is the hottest woman right now. Those that don't agree either don't like women or need their eyes checked. Her accomplishments as an actress can be debated (Is she a bad actress or has she just not been given the proper roles to prove herself?) but her stature as a magnificent specimen of pure feminine beauty can NOT be questioned. Her presence in one of worst movies of all time, Blade 3, almost makes that movie watchable and every man with a half an ounce of testosterone in their system has to admit that they snuck in an episode or two of 7th Heaven just to get their Jessica fix.As for how to create a better list, the folks at LWoA are working diligently on that. Since reading the news about Maxim's list, we have done very little except debate this critical issue. Stay tuned for poll results of the hottest women in the world as brought to you by LWoA.

Happy Whacking!

2007-05-10T09:51:00.000-05:00

Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
Oh Whacking Day!
Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day!
Boy: We’ll break their backs
Gouge out their eyes
Their evil hearts we’ll pulverize!
Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
Oh Whacking Day!
May God bestow His grace on thee

Homer: Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at an approprate time. Like that day I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. Remember that, when daddy hit the referee?

Lovejoy: (Reading from bible) And the Lord said, whack ye all the serpants which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others. (Long pause) So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses Wacking Day.
Lisa: Lemme see that.
Lovejoy: (Puts bible behind him) ...Mmmmmmm, no.

Bart: Ladies and gentlemen! Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish.
Old Irishman: 'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in fun.

Where's the Bees!?!

2007-05-04T12:10:00.000-05:00

If you have been paying attention to the news over the last week you may have heard about the current honeybee crisis. It seems bees are disappearing at an alarming rate and no one knows why. There are many theories out there as to the cause and potential solutions to this problem, if you do not yet know what the hell I am talking about you can learn more here,
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18442426/ and here, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18442426/

As the diligent news hounds that we are over here at Lw/oA we have looked deep into this mystery and come up with what may be the truth behind this potential disaster. The disturbing truth is that the bees are not just dieing off as scientists have assumed, no the bees are being kidnapped and held against their will. Who would have he audacity and skill to pull of such a dangerous coup and why you may ask? The culprits in this dastardly scheme: NINJAS! Thats right, secret ninja societies are taking our bees. Why?

Well the reason involves a conflict that dates back centuries and continues to this day. The great Ninja-Pirate Wars are behind the whole thing. Ninjas and Pirates have been fighting for supremacy for centuries and the battles have heated up in recent times. Stealth and hand-to-hand combat skills have given the Ninjas an advantage for some time. In a comparison of the two it is clear why the nija was doing so well:

PIRATES ------------------------NINJAS

Ruthless and brutal	Lack any personality
Wear eye patches	Wear headbands
Fight with swords	Fight skillfully with any object
Represented by a skull and bones	Can remove a spleen in one swift motion
Obnoxious and stink horribly	Live in your house secretly for days
Have large shadows from being fat	Can remove their shadow if needed
Launch cannonballs	Hurl shurikens
Ride in big wooden boats	Go anywhere they want instantly
Put daggers in their teeth	Catch bullets in their teeth
Say "Arrrrrrrrrrgghh"	Kill themselves if they make a noise
Have names like Schmee	Have cool words like Sepulku
Can be smelled before seen	Are masters of disguise
Drink all day long	Flip out and kill everything
Make traitors walk a wooden plank	Split planks vertically with their nose
Kill people with black powder guns	Kill people.

But the Pirates technological advances have countered this and they have felled many a ninja in battle. So the Ninjas have developed a new strategy to destroying the retched Pirate - NINJA BEES!

By capturing bees and training them to be ninjas the Ninja will have a great, unstoppable army at their disposal. After the failure of the ninja turtle experiment (never trust teenagers, even if they are turtles) the bees are the last great hope of the ninja. So as we worry about the loss of our precious honey bee we should be more concerned about the impending destruction that will be caused by the great final battle of the Ninja and the Pirate.

As hoards of bees descend upon the land to snuff out the stink ridden pirates of the world take cover and pray that Chuck Norris arrives to help you and hope that the battle does not commence on National Talk Like a Pirate Day for then we are all doomed.

Green Architecture

2007-05-02T13:05:00.000-05:00

Unless you’ve been living under a rock somewhere, you would have heard of this term. It seems to be the hottest thing going. You can’t open an architectural journal or read a newspaper article about a new development without seeing the word “green”. Great idea, huh? Frankly, I am sick of it and am generally annoyed how people in the construction and development industries are using the word “green” to justify just about anything.

Real Example A: An architect designs a home in the middle of nowhere, touted for its "green" materials and for the way it “fits in” with the environment. The home is approximately 5,000 sf.

Real Example B: An architect renovates a Chicago Bungalow. The home is given credit because it employs new HVAC systems, windows, walls and insulation, making it energy efficient and protecting the home from any infiltration.

Real Example C: A popular food chain is credited with having a green roof because it will help protect us from warmer micro-climates.

I could go on with another 10 REAL examples that piss me off but frankly, my lunch hour is only so long. The point is: something very wrong and warped has come from a good idea. If we are going to call something "green", I have a few new rules that should apply:

1. New construction can not be considered green. There has been a tremendous amount of energy put forth to date to create buildings. To "throw away" that energy is wasteful. Yes, there are times when we must build new – but those times are rare and we should do it responsibly. Old buildings are a great resource and will save us from producing new: walls, foundations, roof structures, windows, etc. You want to be green? Buy an old home or building and treat it the way you would a national park - as a steward.

2. Any single-family home greater than 2500sf can not be considered green. Anything beyond this is a waste. It is a waste of energy to produce, waste of energy to maintain and condition, and is more likely to contain spaces with "wasteful" appliances and other shit. You want to be green, live modestly and stop buying shit!

3. Any building NOT within walking distance of a public transit line, grocery store, and school can not be considered green. One of the greatest wastes we have going on is the expenditure of fossil fuels moving people around. The further you need to move people, the more waste is going on. There are several rural areas where construction is necessary and there are plenty of great old rural homes and farm houses that could use a new steward. Beyond that, I just don't get it. If you like nature so much, then why the hell would you marring it with your personal modern architectural statement? Get over youself! Fallingwater was built in a different time and place. Hopefully we have learned a few things about architectural responsibility since then. You want to be green? Move to a fucking urban area and walk!

4. Substantial removal of original items from a home or building is not a green practice. Where does this stuff go? To the construction fairy? No, it likely goes to a dump. What replaces it? Likely, this stuff is replaced with industrially produced sub-standard plastic crap. You want to be green? Re-use, renovate and repair instead of replace.

5. Making a building weather-tight is not green. People go to great lengths to insulate, seal, and "protect". Instead of finding ways to "seal" and separate us from our environment, we should be finding innovative ways to live within it. Trapping air, moisture, etc. within the walls of where we live and work will likely cause mold, or worse, disease. You want to be green? Live with the occasional draft or God forbid, open a freaking window if you want to cool down - fresh air never killed anyone.

6. Having a green roof on a building within a sea of asphalt parking is not “green”. You want to be green? Reduce parking and make people walk. It will do them some good to get some exercise before they eat one of your 1000 calorie burgers anyway. With the additional open space, add some trees. You will do more with a few trees on your site than those few blade of grass will ever do on your roof.

As I understand it, a lot of these issues have been taken into consideration in LEED. The problem with LEED is that it doesn’t seam to account for the fact that when a code or recommendation is given, the average person acts like a 3 year old. They will find out how far they can push it until they get a smack on the ass.

If they are going to institute a merit system then they need to conversely administer a demerit system. O.k., you get a point for doing that condenser with a high SEER rating but moron, you built a single family home with a heated indoor swimming pool – bang! Minus 2 points! Great, you located your office building near a transit line, you get a point. But wakeup asshole, you tore done a perfectly fine concrete and brick warehouse building from the 1920’s to do so – bang! Minus 3 points! On the other hand, why do we need a system of merits anyway? Why can't people just be responsible.

An answer to the $34,000 question

2007-04-24T13:04:00.000-05:00

Did anyone see the latest issue of Architect? They had a great (sarcasm) article about interns and pay within the arch. profession. It is called, "The $34,000 question".

Apparently, the answer to the $34,000 question, "Do interns earn enough?" is a meek, "No, but that's OK because they are dedicated idealists who love the work." What an utterly disappointing and embarrassing glimpse at our profession. Why is the low pay inevitable and why isn't Architect magazine writing about what's being done, if anything, to change the situation? This article says nothing new and answers nothing about a problem all architects have seemingly resolved to accept.

A profession like ours should not be relying on idealism to attract and keep talent. Architecture is artistic and potentially altruistic but not nearly enough of either that idealism alone will keep talent. Who are we kidding? I don't know if other architects like the "starving and angst-ridden artist" image, but it is stupid and inaccurate. If architects say, "I'm not in it for the money, I love the work". Who are they saying this for? Is it to convince themselves they didn't screw up on career choices or to convince others that they have somehow attained a higher calling? When did architecture become monastic? This assumption about our profession degrades it.
The warm optimism and anecdotes in this article about the few firms that offer alternative benefits to good salaries felt like veiled chastisement to those with second thoughts. This insultingly implies that people who are tired of bad pay just don't care enough and should get out or stop complaining. Or maybe the author's intent was to be that of a cheerleader pushing us on through the tough fight that is our careers. Well, I agree it's time to stop complaining. The reality is that most buildings that are designed and built in America are not works of art but works of economy and devoid of transcendental meaning.

Many architects are leaving the profession without leaving, by taking corporate architect positions. These companies pay well above the average at every level of experience. Corporations are out for profit. An interesting take for this article, instead of the fatalistic idealism, would be to study how those companies justify paying higher salaries to their architects and what can be learned for the profession as a whole.
The quote from the architect principle regarding interns, "We can't pay them $100,000 / year because they are not worth it." is especially poignant. Interns are not worth it, architects are not worth it. Why is that? Why after 5-6 years of high priced higher education are interns coming into the profession unprepared and therefore of little value? The undervaluing of one member of our profession undervalues the entire profession. Why is one of the main questions on the AIA website for perspective clients, "Why hire an architect?" Shouldn't our value be obvious? The other members of the construction and real estate industry, with few exceptions, are in it solely for the money. Architects are not on some higher plane. Architects play an important role in building but with increasing control and responsibility ceded to other professions: engineers, contractors, developers, architects are expendable.
Maybe architects need to go out of business. If we can not show our value and gain the respect through proper payment, we shouldn't just complain about it, or take it meekly as artistic martyrs. We should act to take more of the industry profit share, train to deserve better compensation or eliminate the profession altogether.

What color was the apple?

2007-04-18T13:53:00.000-05:00

For those that think we are loser self-absorbed architects, we are not always consumed with things architectural. This morning, we were having a lively discussion about Adam Eve. It went something like this:

Pete: Marcus and I were just discussing the apple of knowledge from the bible Adam and eve story. Does the color of the apple matter to the story? was it even mentioned? Would the world be a different place if it had been a green apple? Eve might not have eaten it, no one likes green apples nearly as much as red ones....except probably Chris because he's got strange tastes in fruit.

Chris: I do think the color matters - size too. It wasn't some small crab apple -it was definitely big and round but they never really mention that, do they?There is a shit-load of reading between the lines in the bible.

John: I don't think they even say it was an apple in the bible. I thought that was more a school/social thing that everyone says apple because its a concrete item that kids can understand. The bible just says it was a fruit. Maybe I am wrong about that and I don't have a bible handy so I can not check, but that's what I remember. Do they even grow a lot of apples in the Iran/Turkey area that this was written in?

Pete: serious reading between the lines...how do they even know it was an apple? it seems like a banana makes more literary sense, it's phallic. (Chris likes cold black bananas, coincidence?) after eating it she's all about the dick, so a banana makes more sense.

After looking at the bible on this cool website, we realize that there is no apple mentioned: http://www.biblegateway.com/

John: I am going with it being a lemon. Lemons were probably the sweetest fruit in the universe and then god, in his standard old school spiteful rage, turned it into a sour fruit that most people do not like to just bite into and eat. However, the pear argument seems logical also.

Chris: I still like the idea of a sardine tree - the magical sardine that brings knowledge to all!!!

Pete: How does a sardine tree make any sense? Most people hate sardines. Plus they are fish and don't grow on trees. But if we are suspending disbelief and the garden of Eden really did have everything growing from trees, well a sardine tree would be great for a Finnish Adam and Eve or Sven and Svetlana.

Marcus: A sardine tree is possible.

This whole examination of ambiguity brings up another interesting question: Were there dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden?

We're told that God created the world in six days and rested on the seventh and that Adam and Eve kicked it around Eden for a bit, living in trees I guess. But we also know that no one, especially Presidents, should take the Bible literally and that its all metaphors and the six days could actually be six billion years or however long it took for bacteria to become hairless apes. And that there wasn't a specific "Adam" and "Eve" (and most certainly not an "Adam" and "Steve" as said President would like to remind us).

But it's also fun to imagine Adam racing around Eden on the back of his pet raptor "Buttercup" while Eve roamed the fields on her unicorn "Princess." And if they DID live with dinosaurs, did the dinosaurs get along with their human companions or did the T-Rex keep eating the Adam to the point God got so pissed off he killed all the dinosaurs off so that man could live, only to have Man (or, rather, Woman) go and fuck things up for everybody?

Chris: I got in trouble in grade school (I think I was in 3rd grade) for drawing dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden. If the Polish nuns at Sacred Heart say there were no dinosaurs in the garden of Eden, I would tend to believe them. What was great is they told me I need to choose what I believe in: I either believed in dinosaurs or the bible (there was no gray area with those ladies).

Maybe it does need to be a fruit or vegetable though. I like the image of Adam or Eve just being able to bite into the fruit - the experience needs to be direct. If you have to take the time to peel it, you might have second thoughts about actually eating it. In this case, a lemon or orange, lime, or tangerine wouldn't work. It needs to be an apple, grape, pear, tomato or something you don't peel.

John: obviously the stupid t-rex ate from the magic sardine tree and thus our lord and savior the Big Guy did strike down the dinosaurs. he told adam, eve and steve about this as a warning not to eat the sardines or black bananas, but god, being a woman, kept going on and on about the tree and of course the guys did not listen because they were distracted by eve's sexy, naked body. except for steve who was distracted by adam (but we will not discuss that). Eve knew all about the warning but became jealous of god as adam started staring at her instead of eve. So out of spite (damn women) she ate the sardine and convinced adam to do the same (who can resist a naked, hot eve?). The unicorn/zebra was destroyed and adam and eve were given the boot.

Marcus: Tina Fey had a great joke on SNL about dinosaurs and Jesus during the 2004 Presidential Campaign:

"A Supreme Court in Georgia ruled that high school biology teachers were permitted to continue using the term 'evolution' when teaching their classes. However as a compromise, they must now refer to dinosaurs as 'jesus horses'."

Pete: I like the concept of Jesus Horses.

What do Polish nuns have against evolution? The Catholic Church pretty much supported evolution, I thought. Pretty sly move on their part.

Where they completely naked in the garden? Does it really say that? I think they would wear something on their feet, sandals or socks. It's still a garden and no one likes stepping on crap.

John: your point about pealing is well taken and I like the tomato as a good option. it could explain why it was ostracized from the fruit world and treated like a lowly vegetable. Or taken the opposite way, it is the most magnificent of the fruits and vegetables because it functions as both.

So that's how it was. We accomplished at least one thing today. We figured out what the fruit on the tree in the Garden of Eden was - all before lunch.

What's in a website?

2007-04-11T12:44:00.000-05:00

What makes a good architect’s website? This seems to be the big question on everyone’s mind around the office these days. We are on the verge of introducing the new website so everyone is on pins and needles.

For lack of any originality, we’ve started a top 5 list of things that make a good architecture firm website. In order to illustrate the point, we’ll pick on a few architecture sites from Chicago’s top designers. Since architect's have no sense of humor, I am sure this won't go over well with most of these folks. Anyway, hope you enjoy it.

1. Since this is one vehicle that introduces firms to potential employees, clients, and collaborators, it needs to communicate what your firm is all about.

These guys are not subtle at all but at least you get the point:
http://www.architectureisfun.com/

Conversely, would you trust these guys with your building design?
http://www.prosidesign.com/

2. Since people mentioned in number 1. typically come to websites to find info, it should be easy to navigate. A lot of architects screw this one up big time.

I dare you to find (or catch) anything on this site:
http://www.jrarch.com/

Conversely, this is a little boring (see #4) but at least you can't get lost:
http://www.wkarch.com/project_home.htm

3. It needs to have accurate info. Since people are looking for info, after they find it, it has to be correct and up to date. Nothing is more annoying than going onto a site that has employees listed that were fired years ago or building’s built in the last century. How tough can it be to update???

C'mon guys, it's 2007, there has to be some new news:
http://www.hedev.com/

You can't tell me the most current things these guys did was in 2005:
http://www.murphyjahn.com/english/frameset_intro.htm

4. It needs to get your attention – it has to be cool. No one wants to surf on a boring site so how you actually find things, how images and stuff scroll or fade is important. Be careful, there is a fine line between cool and annoying. Hint 1.: lots of Flash does not =cool. Hint 2.: If you have to add a "skip intro" button to your site, most likely people that visit the site will hit that button immediately - who wants to wade through your self-indulgent bull shit?

Pretty cool but almost pushing it a bit too far:
http://www.garofaloarchitects.com/home.html

Same idea as the above site (whose came first???) taken to the limit. Can this be more annoying?:
http://www.perkinswill.com/

Christ, can they jam more moving shit onto this thing:
http://www.wbarch.com/index2.html

Ouch, check out the scrolling. It looks like Hitler Architect took over Times Square:
http://www.buildordie.com/index2.htm

Make sure you have your seat belt on for this one:
http://www.nadelarc.com/

5. It has to be beautiful. This is different than being cool. Yeah, it sounds kind of corny and subjective but the site needs to be visually attractive. Let’s get serious, you are trying to impress people here – and most people that check out architect’s websites are other architects. That is setting the bar pretty high/ If you can’t create an attractive website, then what kind of shit are you actually making in terms of architecture?

I guess this is beautiful... ...if you like bumble bees:
http://www.oculusarchitecture.com/

Not bad - they truly need to update though a fellow SGWer is listed as an employee:
http://www.rossarchitecture.com/

Simplicity is sometimes best - I hope these guys finish this site some day:
http://jj-arch.com/

Stuart in California

2007-03-08T09:20:00.000-06:00

Stuart's "real" California job is finally revealed:

Another (HOT) one bites the dust.

2007-02-22T16:35:00.000-06:00

We are all absolutely devastated. Yes, it was rough when they laid off 4 people a couple weeks ago but today is really rough. It is Alison's last day. For those of you that didn't know it, we had the hottest architect in the world working at our firm. No, it was not Frank Gehry, it was Alison. She's so hot, she almost gives Jessica Biel a run for her money.

Upon getting hired, her bio was sent around the office. How can someone "into watersports" be boring? And she has looks to boot. With last weeks firings, (oops, I mean lay-offs) the male to female ratio has gone way off and losing Alison is just another nail in the coffin. Sexual innuendos took a nose dive after Stuart left. Now, I think they will be non-existent.

To give this woman some credit, she was also a hell of an architect. Though she was monopolized by everyone's favorite pen-chewing project manager, we are all sure she had to be doing something right. We all wish her well as she moves on to whiter pastures (in architecture, white is always better).

The "life without... " list is getting pretty long these days - almost a little too long. Let's hope that we have a little stability before the asteroid hits.

Hmmmm... ...Justin or David

2007-01-12T10:44:00.000-06:00

Stuart’s move to LA has paid off. Unless you have been living in a box under a highway without a television or unless you don’t give a damn about soccer (or football as some people of questionable sexuality call it) you would know that Stuart’s idol, David Beckham, has signed with LA’s professional soccer time.

New questions are being raised even as I write:

Did Stuart know about this prior to moving to LA?

Will Posh be starring in her own reality show?

How will Stuart ever split his stalking time between Beckham and Timberlake?

Will Pete soon be joining Stuart in LA to stalk Posh?

Does anyone in America give a damn about this news?

A Festivus for the rest of us!

2006-12-21T11:27:00.000-06:00

Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?

Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born … a Festivus for the rest of us!

Cosmo Kramer: That must've been some kind of doll.

Frank Costanza: She was.

It is that time of year again and even without Andy, life goes on. Feats of strength will not be the same without Andy beating down the women and children, but alas there are a plethora of grievances to be aired. The fisticuffs that erupted at the annual festivus cookie throw-down has lead to a long list of grievancesa and the banning of cookies at future festivus events. But it is time to get beyond that ugliness. So putup your aluminum pole, sit back , relax and enjoy the holiday.

Frank Costanza: I got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you're gonna hear about it. Kruger! My son tells me your company STINKS!

George Costanza: Oh, God.

Frank Costanza: Quiet. You'll get yours in a minute. Kruger. You couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe.... I lost my train of thought.

2006-11-29T14:02:00.000-06:00

This site has been dormant one day too long. The amazing news that they will finally be building an ABBA museum in Stockholm has had us all in a buzz this week. There has not been much to get excited about at SGW but this news has ignited a fire in all of us.

Everyone has been celebrating with the wearing of the blue and yellow (as well as a lot of other odd apparel). The partying has gotten a little out of hand – like Christmas has come early.

We are also all jockeying for days off in ’08 to be sure that we can be there for the opening ceremonies. The only news that would eclipse this would be if they announced a 24-7 ABBA radio station.

The debate, Anni-Frid or Agnetha, rages on!!!!

2006-04-20T13:15:00.000-05:00

Brokeback Mountain - Now available on DVD

Heeehaaaw!

What will happen next?

2006-04-13T17:10:00.000-05:00

It’s that time of year. We reached a whopping 75 degrees today; a feat in Chicago even in July. As our thoughts begin to drift towards summer hours and new summer interns, we can’t help but wonder if Andy will return. For those of you that have been following the nail biting saga here, I’ll bore you with the details.
About 21 years ago, a poor couple was wandering the cold streets of Chicago with a newborn baby in their arms. The only place that would let them in out of the cold was a small architecture firm. This act of gratitude did not come without a hitch. For their act of “kindness”, the couple was to sign over their son, their first born, into servitude to the firm until the child graduated from college.
For years, this small band of architects nurtured the young baby into a full grown architect. Introduced to Froebel blocks at an early age, Andy developed a keen sense of space and form. The excitement in the office when Andy could hold his first exacto was something to behold only to be outdone by his prowess at computer aided drafting. This May, the day of reckoning has come. After years of cutting foam-core, rendering relentless masonry piers on Photoshop, writing transmittals, and creating fantasmagoric details of bathroom tile, this child, Andrew, will be graduating from college. It is a bittersweet time. A time when Andrew might realize his freedom or realize in his heart that those people that took him in years ago turned out not to be such bad guys after all. Will he return to assist in making those piers even more relentless, to make those bathroom tile designs really shine, to create the perfect office form so that transmittal writing becomes a joy for everyone or will he break out and leave Chicago for greener pastures?
As summer approaches, we know that Steve the younger will be returning and that there will be a number of new employees at SGW but will Andy be back. The big question is: how will we ever properly debate movie trivia without is facility with IMDB?

Stuart Was Right!!!

2006-02-22T10:34:00.000-06:00

LONDON (AP) -- Gay cowboy romance "Brokeback Mountain" took four awards including best picture Sunday at the British Academy Film Awards, a result that boosts its hopes for the Oscars in two weeks' time.

Stuart has been vindicated and has been in a constant state of celebration since his country applauds what he considers the greatest film of all time. Now, if we can only get him to stop coming to work in his cowboy "outfit"

SGW - not your typical architecture firm

2006-02-22T10:29:00.000-06:00

It's nice to know that life at SGW does not resemble the attached cartoon at all.

Update: New Orleans (shuffleboard with the ladies)

2006-01-23T14:03:00.000-06:00

Well, I’m back here in Baghdad….I mean New Orleans. Things are going great down here, if you like mud, trash and a foul stench permeating everywhere. OK, so that is not so different from before K-day. Since returning to the fine city I have been drinking and wondering around aimlessly shouting at the roaches, which seem to have faired quite well while everyone was gone. Luckily the beer still flows and there is no shame in sitting on your stoop with a 40. Of course I’ve had no stoop to sit on being on a cruise ship for a few weeks. That was quite an adventure. You would not believe how crazy the 70 year old women are when you start playing shuffleboard. ‘Ol Betsy almost took my head off with the shuffle stick after I beat her a second time last Saturday. Why the hell would they put a deck full of retirees on our boat anyway? Luckily I will be moving out this week to this fine new apartment. I took a picture for all to enjoy. Looks good doesn’t it? There’s a little cleaning to be done, but I think it should be fine.
Well, I will have more to say later, right now I have a date with a spry 67 year old lady I met at the early bird special on deck 12. Maybe I’ll get lucky, but first I need a couple Pabst to loosen up.
One last thing, Stuart is right on with the Bareback review. That movie has been burned into my brain for weeks now. It really changed me…..I really miss Pete now.

-Steve the younger

Stuart Gives "Brokeback" a Two Thumbs Up!

2006-01-18T16:07:00.000-06:00

BROKEN TEARS

A review of ‘Brokeback Mountain’
by Stuart Dickie

In Hollywood, there are few movies that appeal to me as a Briton. Very rarely is a movie produced that can relate to my sensibilities in a way only any movie based on ‘Pride and Prejudice’ can. Immediately, I found that ‘Brokeback Mountain’ could, and does, deliver that tour de force I have been looking for.

Heath Ledger, best known as a ‘Brother Grimm’ to the four people that saw that movie, delivers in his role as a gay cowboy, struggling through life with his wife and kids after a randy affair with fellow caballero, Jake Gyllenhall, best known as the brother of the girl who liked to get spanked in ‘Secretary.’ If anyone knows how hard life can be after a tête-à-tête with another man, it is me, Stuart Dickie.

At first, I thought America might shy away from this movie, even boycott it. In the end, though, art has ruled the day. Gay or straight, I highly recommend this movie. It can appeal to all race, class or creed. Michelle Williams delivers a powerful performance, portraying a wife constantly trying to hump her husband, only to have him constantly turn her away to sit by the window, wearing only his cowboy hat.

To be continued…

Why You Should See Brokeback Mountain

2006-01-16T16:54:00.000-06:00

If it doesn't make you better understand Pete & John's relationship, it will at least let you join conversations like this one found on a movie blog (sounds like the movie is moving):

#1: I'm curious to see who has seen this film, and what your reaction is. I saw it Sunday (four days ago) and I still can't get it out of my head. It was so powerful and had a HUGE impact on me; unlike any other film I have ever seen. It's mind-boggling what it is doing to me. Anyone who's seen it, please let me know your thoughts.

#2: You said it made a huge impact on you--in what way? Can you elaborate on your thoughts? I haven't seen it yet, but I'm very curious about what others with an open mind might think about it. Thanks.

#1: I can’t be very specific without ruining the film for you. PLEASE go see it. Everyone should see this magnificent film; it is really making waves, everywhere. It is such a beautiful, moving, magnificent piece of art. You won't be disappointed and it will stay with you for a long time.

#2: Try telling that to the religion forum. :-)

#1: They’re the ones that need to see it the most. I have been corresponding with a self-labeled "conservative Christian" (via message boards in imdb.com) who was "coerced" into seeing this film, and he said it totally changed his mind and heart about gay people. He has vowed to challenge people whenever he hears anyone slam gays. Isn't that amazing? That is the power of this film. It is changing hearts and minds all over the world, and I've never seen anything like it in my life.

#2: Have you seen "Ned Kelly"? Another movie where Heath Ledger shines. He was also the son in Mel Gibson's "The Patriot."

#1: This is the only film I have seen Heath in and I am an instant fan. He is AMAZING and if he doesn't get a Best Actor Oscar out of this there is no justice. One doesn't just "see" this film; one EXPERIENCES it, and for a long time. It is so powerful and moving.

Fucking Robbed . . .

2006-01-14T23:31:00.000-06:00

Well, hell of a welcome back to South Bend and a great way to kick off that last semester of school . . . let me tell you. I got a call Friday night from two of my roommates who had just gotten back to the house to find that it had been broken into, and any and all electronic devices, etc. (and pretty much anything else of significant monetary value) had been stolen. Bastards. So, needless to say, I spent most of the night on the phone with them and my other 2 roommates.

The brain surgeons that are the South Bend Police (shown here scratching head in disbelief) had a tough time lifting any prints, and also couldn't find any signs of forced entry . . . which makes it very suspicious to me. Only other person that we know has a key to our house is our landlord (in San Diego), and the maintenance guy, who's about 65, seems to be a nice guy, and generally seems harmless. He is a "townie" though, so you never really know.

As for my personal stuff - TV, Stereo, Fridge, DVD player (had the DVDs at home, thankfully), video game crap, camera, bike (which we all took ours out of the garage to keep them safe . . . haha . . . and even locked them to one of the steel columns in the basement) . . . all among the pricier things. For some reason, and thankfully, they didn't take all my architecture books . . . must not have thought they were interesting, when in actuality, they could have made a killing reselling those probably.

My one roommate also had his sketchbooks from Rome stolen . . . which is one of those losses that are irreplaceable. (See CPayne for first hand account.)

Well, more updates as we apprehend the criminals, discover the warehouse full of looted items, and keep the ball rolling on this semester's rocking start in the Bend.

The Dancing Queen . . .

2006-01-13T16:28:00.000-06:00

In a fitting tribute to me on my last day at the office, Laura requested that we break a CD of her favorites to send me off in style. Coincidentally, her favorites coincided perfectly with Chris' Abba's Greatest Hits (even in the same order). Then Laura smiled and had a good laugh with all of us in the "annex." Good times at the office. I'm so glad to have Laura as a friend.

Here's a quick photoshop drawing she just did and asked that I include:

John's Dilemma

2006-01-12T13:38:00.000-06:00

John has spent a bit of time out of the office the past few days. It is apparent what is going on as his face has been swollen like a balloon for days. He has had visits to dentists and subsequently, the doctor and no one could figure out what was going on until today.

John has a conjoined twin. This fetus has sat dormant for John’s life, implanted in his cheek, and for some unexplainable reason; it is finally becoming “active”. This is nothing to laugh at and is not a subject solely for cartoon sitcoms. It is not an uncommon problem but it is a little odd that is has manifested itself in the facial area.

Some doctor’s have surmised that similar conditions are psychologically related that the "minor twin" begins growth as manifestation of a "host's" drammatic loss of a close friend or lover. In this case, it is obvious that John is suffering from the departure of Pete from our office on a level that many of us just can’t understand. True, he has been a little “down” lately but none of us would have suspected just how close Pete and John were.

Due to the severity of the situation, John is currently undergoing “removal” of the twin. After removal, a drain will be placed through John’s cheek, followed by minor cosmetic surgery to disguise that drain as a mole. Pro-life activists are already getting wind of the removal process and have started picketing the office. If you ask me, they are getting carried away. I hope things don’t get out of hand. If only they could understand John’s pain.

The legend of "Peaches"

2006-01-09T21:07:00.000-06:00

One day Michael came to work and walked his lunch directly to the kitchen. When he left the kitchen, he left with a single peach in his hand. Sherrette, who was washing her hands while Michael came in, came out of the bathroom and looked around the annex, tentatively asking, “Where’s my peach?” She obviously thought that the annex was playing a joke on her. Unfortunately, they had no clue what she was talking about.

Having noticed Michael walk through the annex on his way back from the kitchen, the members of the annex told Sherrette that she should check and see if he had her peach. She went to the front of the office and to Michael’s surprise, found her peach.

Michael immediately returned to the kitchen as he was sure he brought a peach to work. “I packed a peach this morning and put it on the table when I put my lunch in the fridge”, he remarked. An embarrassed Michael came from the kitchen after pulling a PEAR from his lunch bag and brought the pear back to his desk. From that day on, he has been known as “peaches”.

I hope you found this story as funny as we did when it actually happened. If you see this man coming, hide your peaches (from the looks of his desk, you should pretty much hide anything you don't want stolen).

Pete, Frolicking In The Wilderness, Checks In . . .

2006-01-09T14:44:00.000-06:00

A little update on what Pete has been up to since he left us here at the office . . . We received a letter today with no return address, but it was signed, "Lovingly yours, Peter" (followed by excessive hearts & smiley faces). Enclosed in the envelope was the attached photo - Cowboy Pete & his new 'friends.' He says that they met one night amidst the sheep & under the stars at 'Brokeback Mountain,' and ever since, their lives together have been sheer bliss. This photo, however, was taken as they prepared for hijinks involving some rival cowboys, and he apologized that they weren't "wearing their happy faces."

He asked that we send his profound love to the office, and extended a personal invite out to John to come visit "the boys on the ranch" and take a ride with them into the sunset.

Life With Andy Again

2005-12-28T11:26:00.000-06:00

Well, Andy's back and he has started decorating the office with a vengeance. He is a little crazy but we like it that way.

He has been busy spreading all of the vast knowledge has has attained this semester. It's amazing that you can learn so much about movie trivia in architecture school.

Unfortunately, in gaining Andy, we have lost Steve. As you can see by the reaction of the ladies in New Orleans, Steve had to go back to school. It looks like he is spending more time drinking and socializing with people on the streets than doing actual work. Hope he can get that thesis done.

Who's checking these drawings....

2005-12-02T15:43:00.000-06:00

Conry...Rutz? Rutz...Conry? Seems quality control let this one slip through the cracks and now tens of tens of innocent squirrels have bee destroyed without any proof they were in fact connected to any organizations bent on taking over the world. At least the old people have been taken care of.

So Long Pete

2005-11-17T16:49:00.000-06:00

This has been a week of uncomfortable celebration as we savor our last few days of working with Pete. Yep, you read it right, Pete is moving on to greener pastures and now someone else will be responsible for cleaning up his manure.

Steve, who has been filling in for Andy since he went off to school will now have more shoes to fill as he tries to fill in for Pete. Of course, Steve’s quality and quantity of work will have to diminish quite a bit to reach that goal. Perhaps a few Jager-Bombs before work may put him in the right frame of mind to work as hard as Pete did.

We have to admit that regardless of how much Pete did or didn’t contribute to the ongoing work at SGW, he was a source of endless entertainment. In addition to the mounds of work that he created for Steve the Younger, his unique methods of plan dimensioning will ensure SGW’s lifelong relationship with all of its clients as they attempt to build to Pete’s drawings. Pete’s actions were equally matched by his exuberant appearance. We will truly miss his flowing cape and magical T-square. Pete’s appearance brought an other-worldly flair to the office.

Many people have been seriously affected by Pete’s departure. Stuart started balling the minute he heard about Pete leaving and hasn’t stopped since. Other co-workers have resorted to binge drinking –the funnels in the back room are getting a bit out of hand. I am seriously worried about what will happen to the fragile chemistry that we have here at SGW once Pete is actually gone.

I am sure Pete is going to make the most of his new position – we all can’t wait to hear what his new title will be. For those that are interested, we have started interviewing (John and I) for someone to move into Pete’s seat. You have to already work at SGW, you must despise George Bush to the point it makes no sense, and you have to be willing to enter into random conversations on any subject at a moments notice.

-C.P.

Andy replaced?

2005-10-12T13:45:00.000-05:00

Well, today we officially got over Andy’s absence. The “irreplaceable” intern Andy has actually been replaced with a new intern, Steve “the younger”. Steve is a refugee from New Orleans and has completed the trio of Tulane folks in this little corner of the architectural universe. After hosing him down and getting him a decent change of clothes, he seems to fit in quite well.

Since arriving at SGW, he has been busy helping Steve “the elder” get his shit together with the endlessly exciting task of filing. Some project managers do this work on their own but Steve “the elder” is a bit too important to waste his creative talents on such a mundane task.

We are still schooling our new intern on how to navigate through IMDB but hopefully he will catch on soon. Last week, we spent a bit too much time trying to determine if Jessica Biel is a good actress or not. Andy’s expertise really would have come in handy. Our arguments about cinematic minutia are getting a bit out of hand and we could use someone to sort this out for us so that we can actually get some work done.

On a side note, in an informal office poll, most people believe that Jessica’s acting talents can not be ascertained by the body of work she has produced so far. Only Pete truly believes she is a bad actress.

Life Without Andy

2005-08-29T13:42:00.000-05:00

The Nap Store realized by some jerk in Florida, Mall of America.

That's right, naysayers. The Nap Store aka MinneNAPolis aka the Power Nap Sleep Center exists or will soon. Google it yourself, ARut. Said jerk's implimentation includes themes and perhaps more appropriate markets then my original concept but we are almost dead on with pricing ideas. It turns out people will pay to take a nap if the facility is available. The Nap Store making the world a better place one sheep at a time.

You owe me five, Andy.

-Pete

Resurfacing like the Kalpoe Bros. . . .

2005-08-26T10:45:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm back . . . from Aruba, that is. Fresh from a secret mission that I was commissioned to execute by the South Bend based Equestrian Search Team (an affiliate of the Texas based EquuSearch).

As you can see, it was a success . . . The Brothers Gumbel and I inflicted some beach justice, and now the Kalpoes are in custody once again.
"Taste that, Deepak & Satish? That's the taste of beach justice" - Greg Gumbel

Now that my heroicism is done for the time being, I'm working on getting reacclimated to this "city of sin." More on how sweet South Bend is later on tonight . . . for now, I've got to get to some sort of classes.

Glad to be back.

-Andy

On a day like this.....

2005-08-26T08:59:00.000-05:00

...we really miss Andy around here, especially on a day like today with big news coming out of Aruba. Breaking News!!!! Two brothers arrested again in connection to Natalie Holloway case. Had Andy not left us I'm sure this would have sparked a good 15-20 minute discussion concluding with all of having much greater knowledge of the incident and managing to offend or entertain at least 4 other people in the office. However, andy is no longer here so I know nothing about what happened and there has been no talk at all about Aruba in weeks.
In other big SG news, seems Peaches is having some trouble with his fax covers. Apparently he never got the memo and has been using the old cover. Luckily, having 5-6 bosses there are plenty of people to point this out and make sure he understands the fax policy.

Where's Andy?

2005-08-23T13:55:00.000-05:00

It's truly quiet in the office today. Pete is at City Hall and Andy is... ...hmmm, where the hell is Andy? We set up this wonderful blog for him so that he could tune in at any moment and catch the excitement that is going on at SGW. We haven't heard from the bastard in months. O.K., it has only been a week in a half but it feels like months. Andy, if you are out there, please let us know you're still alive. I'd hate to think that you had another beef stew incident or worse yet, that you have joined a commune or something.

-CP

More Encouraging News About Our Profession

2005-08-22T09:05:00.000-05:00

Andy, There's still time to escape!!!

An Excerpt from CNN/Money:

"Most of us work hard for a living. And if we're lucky, we're well compensated for the effort. But there are some jobs you should take only if you really love the work because the investment you make to get the job and the hours you keep aren't necessarily commensurate with what you earn.

Not that all careers in this category are necessarily low-paying, at least not by national standards. But they may require a great deal of time and money in graduate education, offer working conditions that only passion can excuse, and there may be such a long run for the roses that you forfeit prime working and child-bearing years just to achieve a salary that college peers were earning a decade earlier. Here are just three of those jobs.

Architects

For every Philip Johnson or Frank Lloyd Wright in a generation of architects, there are countless more who work without fanfare on the everyday buildings where we work, live and shop.
Architects may spend up to seven years completing undergraduate and master's-degree studies, or up to three-and-a-half years in a master's program if they majored in another area during college. To be eligible to take the licensing exam, they also must log three years as interns working for licensed architects.

Architects with a master's might enter the work force with between $50,000 and $80,000 in student loan debt. But as first-year interns, they might earn only $34,000, the national median according to the 2005 compensation survey by the American Institute of Architects. Meanwhile, several steps up the ladder, senior architects earn a median of $68,900."

A Little Introduction.

2005-08-19T10:01:00.000-05:00

I am sure everyone is curious to get to know the people responsible for this blog – so here we are:

Andy “The Optimistic Intern” Rutz

Andy has had an off and on relationship with SGW. He will soon be a graduate of Notre Dame University. Since he won’t be drinking this semester, he will surely graduate magna cum laude. Andy’s hobbies are: watching Anchor Man, looking up trivia on IMDb, and creating mind-blowing renderings of even the most mundane buildings.

John “I Hate Everything” Sugrue

John has been at SGW way too long. When he is not knocking people off of their bicycles or boycotting the latest street fair, he is enjoying himself with a beer-in-hand at Wrigley. His hobbies are: space elevators, sticking up for President Bush, and making cynicism into an art form.

Pete “I don’t need your affection and you ain’t getting any of mine” Conry

Pete has been at SGW for about a year and never tires of the architectural challenges that the office offers. He is a deck design genius and never resorts to “standard deck lighting tricks”. His hobbies are: deck design, deck building, deck critique, and putting down President Bush.

Cast your votes now!!!!

2005-08-17T17:30:00.000-05:00

Our Station/Small Plate Ideas:

What about a station kind of like a bbq, but maybe a bit more gourmet:

- little "burgers" (sirloin, turkey, or crabcake) on a small foccaccia, poppy or onion roll with fixins like gouda, roasted peppers, grilled onion, dijon, etc served with skin-on potato wedges. -dry rub bbq ribs cut in small sections (2 ribs each maybe) with a scoop of really good (and not runny, hence not so messy) baked beans with chunk of garlic bread -gourmet "mac'n'cheese & beenie weenies" a ramekin of super-sharp, cheesy mac'n'cheese baked with a crispy crumb top, dressed up with tomato confit and topped with sliced beer-boiled, bbq spicy sausage/brats (or not for the vegetarians). - orzo or pasta & veggie salad

What about a new orleans, southern style station a-la-pete (pete lived in new orleans for six years):

- have shallow bowls with a base of rice and choose from chicken or shrimp etoufee or black beans, red beans, scallions, cheeses, etc. with a bar of many different hot sauces and peppers. - jalapeno cheddar corn muffins. - crabcakes? crayfish cakes? - small piece of blackened catfish (or other fish) over rice with a piquant sauce and side of steamed kale - kind of like one of the things you mentioned, pam.

An italian station (i am half italitan and have a large italian family which could make this a good ...or bad option):

- tortellini, fettucini, etc with a choice of a couple sauces (olive oil & cheese, marinara, meat), tossed with spinach, veggies, chicken, or sausage and put in a bowl - meatballs, italian sausage & peppers - calzone pockets, but nicer than pizza. chicken? spinach and ricotta? shrimp alfredo? spicy sausage - caprese salad side (or mini caprese salad like we make) - chicken or veal medallions - parmesan, marsala? - risotto. top it with stuff - meat, veggies (eggplant, zucchini, red peppers) i love risotto.

A carvery station

-meat meat meat! (tenderloin? turkey? chicken?) -things to go with the meat. vegetables? mashed potatoes -maybe risotto. again, i love risotto.

Breads, cheeses & oils

- various breads - i like whole foods "seeduction" bread, bread with chunks of garlic in it, ciabatta or something good for dunking in oil - a selection of olive oils. we love olive oil & dipping. - cheeses - cheddar, comte, brie, gouda...we love cheese. - salami or other sausages...we love salami - olives, peppers - would like a station like this to linger around for the whole night

Cuban

- tamales (like at coobah w/ great sauces!!) - jalapeno honey pork (like at cafe 28) - something with avocado?

Pick two and provide your comments. Thanks for your help.

-The Wedding Planners

Andy will be relieved to hear....

2005-08-17T16:38:00.000-05:00

...that Wiccans do, in fact, accept homosexuals. Also, Wiccans are not to be confused with witches. John, despite his confident pontification, was wrong on both accounts. That's right, not much has changed here at SGW. It is still unclear when we are supposed to include the "W" in our firm name and John is frequently overconfident and wrong in his opinions. Telly uncovered a CNN Money article listing Architects as one of the worst professions for pay vs. education level and work. That brightened eveyone's day. Yesterday a project with a real life clock tower landed on my desk! I'll make sure it has plenty of sniper nests for frustrated architects.

Andy if you're out there, I can't seem to find this movie in IMDB: This scientist is working on nanobot technology that when injected move around the body healing as necessary. He gets cancer and in a dr. jekyl move injects the bots. It works great at first, then the bots go out of control and he ends up with gills and acid shooting skin. Hilarity ensues. Anyway, I probably saw it the 90s sometime. It may have been on Showtime. The plot was crucial to some point I was trying to make yesterday.

The root of the problem...

2005-08-16T17:55:00.000-05:00

Dear Messers Conry, Payne, & Sugrue:

After complete surveillance and investigation as you requested, we have the following to report regarding the A. Rutz “choking” incident. The report consists of quotes from interviews with various witnesses to the alleged incident and all of the facts contained herein are assumed to be true and honest.

Exhibit 1. “I didn’t realize how dangerous Andy’s exercise regimen was. He had told me to always leave him alone and not come in the room when he was doing them but the other day, I heard a strange grunting and a choking sound and burst through his bedroom door and there he was, on the floor, without his clothes. He tried to tell me how he was working out and he felt a strange sensation in his throat. It wasn’t until several hours later that he said that it might have been food he was choking on. My gosh, I wish he would be more careful and I’ll never understand why he has to exercise without his clothes”
– Mrs. Rutz (Andy’s Mom)

Exhibit 2. “Yeah, Andy is a little weird with his “exercising” and all. I never thought much of it until he came out of the room the other day after the choking incident. He had nothing on, which is pretty typical with Andy, and he was completely blue. I swear to god, I thought he was auditioning for “The Blue Man Group” or something. It was funny as hell but my mom yelled at me and told me to go in the other room. I guess it was serious.
-Zach (Andy’s brother)

Exhibit 3. “Mr. Rutz came in to the emergency room complaining about a problem with his throat. He was bruised all over his back and he seemed to be covered with an oily substance, maybe a lubricant of some sort. I used to see this kind of thing all the time when I worked in Chicago. You see all sorts of weird crap when you work late night in an inner city emergency room. Anyway, he claims that he started choking on some food or something. We looked down his throat and saw nothing there. I can only imagine what that guy was choking on”
- Emergency Room Nurse

Exhibit 4. “I’ve seen Andy about 40 times in the past year with this same problem. We still haven’t pinpointed what is going on so I told Andy that he has some inflammation and that he was having trouble swallowing because of it. To tell you the truth, I don’t know what kind of kinky stuff this kid is into, but he really needs to cut it out before he kills himself. I figured the best advice I could give him was to cut out the alcohol. I figure if he stopped drinking, he would stop abusing himself this way.”
-Andy’s doctor

Exhibit 5. "I got home the other night and saw this bowl of stew in the fridge. I said, “sweet” mom made some beef stew. I figured I’d have a bite to eat and then go to bed. It was pretty hot so I went in my bedroom, undressed to my boxers, and sat in front of the tube to enjoy “Anchor Man” for the 50th time while eating the stew. That movie is as funny as shit. I must have started laughing while eating the stew and fuck; I woke a few minutes later after passing out with this hunk of meat in my throat.”
-Andy

Please remit payment for our investigative services. If you would like this money added to the “peach thief” account, we can send a bill for the full amount in a couple of weeks. As usual, it is always entertaining doing business with you.

Sincerely,

Private Dick

President
Private Dick’s Investigation Service
Chicago, Illinois

Ramblings with Kenneth

2005-08-15T13:38:00.000-05:00

Our first morning in the PA (post andy) era and things are going alright, althoguh he is already missed. CP had to be the go to guy for some imdb info in order to confirm that John Singleton has done no good movies since his debut with Boys in the Hood. This proved true, but took much longer than it would have had the idealistic intern been in the office. Consensus seems to be that Pete's Pants Party went off without any problems and was a big success. No confirmation as to stuie's pants staying on. Moral discussion of the day: "Paternity tests upon birth". Sci-fi idea of the day: "truth machine." Imagine the possibilities, we would finally know if cp is just a jerk or really a fun loving comedian. Not much else to report this early in the week except a lonely, empty desk and a single tear on KB's cheek when he realized it was true that the days of the idelaistic intern were forever behind him.

-J

Crazy Games Of Poker and other assorted Pete-isms . . .

2005-08-12T09:28:00.000-05:00

What a great last day so far!! Pete has been dazzling us again with his musical prowess . . . another mix chock full of rip roaring overplayed cliche hits. Brilliant.

Other than that, I single handedly saved the company today by delivering Lew's stamp down to City Hall . . . damn, what a rush my job is.
(Romero's roaming around looking to "theive" things, what else is new?)

Just finished up Laura's work for her, so now I'm probably going to zone out for a few more hours until John makes good on his promise and clears up the skies with his skills in magic so we can go to the Cubs game.

(Pete's mix just bottomed out when the song cut off prematurely . . . Pete's good like that. Now we're getting another Joe DiMaggio song . . . can you say fetish?)

Alright, it's on . . . and I'm out. Great summer.

-Andy